A Boy Called Alice
by xx-animeXalchemist-xx
Summary: What do you do when you're a prideful delinquent and you get refused a scholarship to a snobby Academy because you don't meet their standards? Re-apply as a girl, ace the scholarship, and stick your middle finger up at those who refused to let you in, that's what. (The idea sounded so much better in Arthur's head…)
1. In Which A Crazy Idea Is Conceived

**Hello everyone, and welcome to my latest fic (which could have been called 'Dude Looks Like A Lady' had I not recovered from my sugar rush in time). It's the summer holidays at the moment and I had this idea a few weeks back and it hasn't left me. And then before I realised it, I've written a few chapters and pretty much have the whole thing planned out. So I hope you can enjoy it :)**

**NOTE: After much deliberation, this story will _eventually_ end up as USUK (you can all thank _LucyMoon1992_ for that because she convinced me to make it USUK and not RusEng :P)  
However, as is mandatory in a fic set during highschool that contains delinquent!Arthur, there shall be plenty of humour and drama before we get there :P There will also be other pairings featuring in here, but some are quite odd so I'll let those be a surprise~  
**

**DISCLAIMERS: I do not own the cover art, if anyone knows the source then I'd be happy to credit. And Hetalia belongs to Hima-papa~**

x~x~x~x~x

CHAPTER ONE- In Which Possibly The Craziest Idea Ever Is Conceived

Ragged pants fought to escape cut and bloodied lips, piercing dark eyes glaring up at the one who had inflicted such damage. The guy was hunched over in pain, sure that some of his ribs were bruised or even possibly broken. He spat at the bastard opposite from him who was looking rather amused by the whole display, his thumbs casually hooked in the pockets of his torn and faded black jeans.

"Fuck you," the guy practically snarled.

For a moment, the amused blonde seemed to be considering it before he pulled a face. "Nah, I'm all right, mate. Grow a pair of tits and maybe we'll talk."

Oh the glare he was sent for that statement.

"Look," the uninjured one spoke, very matter-of-factly, "_You_ were the one who picked the fight. _You_ were the one that sought me out when I actually had better things to do than to smash your bloody face in. _You_ challenged me, because I've not been beaten yet." A cocky smirk. "So what did you want? Street cred? Girls? Respect or something? Don't pick fights you can't win, idiot."

He gave the other one last look before he held his hands up as if in surrender, smiling lopsidedly. "Contrary to popular belief I actually don't like violence."

A snort from his opponent.

"I'm honest. But for some reason I've become a target. It's hardly fair, wouldn't you agree?" He cocked his head to the side in a move that would probably fool most into thinking he was completely harmless and very innocent. Needless to say, though, that when you've just nearly sent someone to a Casualty Ward words like 'innocence' aren't the first to spring to mind. "Well, I'm bored now. Later." He turned around without sparing the hunched figure a second glance.

"I'll fucking kill you!" was yelled after him, but he only laughed. "I mean it, Kirkland!"

Emerald eyes suddenly focused on the downed figure with such an intensity it was almost like being punched again. "Oh? Well I look forward to it."

And then he stalked off, the fight forgotten as far as he was concerned.

x~x~x~x~x

"Hey, Rome, sorry I'm late!" Arthur called as he stepped through the doorway into the small antique shop where he worked. The little bell tinkled as well to signal his arrival, and as the Brit made his way behind the till, a mop of dark brown hair suddenly popped up from behind a large vase, followed by the rest of the man known as 'Rome' (it wasn't his real name, actually, but Arthur thought it fit well seeing as most of the antiques and replicas here were from the Ancient Rome period and so he just sort of took to calling him that. The Italian didn't seem to mind).

"Don't worry, it's fine~" he hummed, stepping closer to his only employee and looking at him critically.

Arthur wasn't normally one to feel self-conscious, but when you're being stared at it sort of becomes inevitable. "What?" he asked irritably after a few more moments had passed.

"You got into a fight." Not a question, not even a telling off. Just a statement; a summary of events.

"Yeah," he grunted in reply, leaning against the desk. "I'm not sure how you can tell though. The bloke went down in under five minutes and barely landed a hit on me, so..." he sighed. "Yeah," he repeated, lamely.

Rome suddenly grinned and laughed happily. "You're a good little fighter, that's for sure," he said proudly, and Arthur couldn't help but laugh a bit at the man's antics. Shouldn't he be scolding him right about now?

"I know I shouldn't really be encouraging you," he said, scratching the back of his neck (_ah, so he knows that much_), "But my own grandkids aren't really into fighting, so I suppose you are a nice change of pace." That should have really been the end of it, but the infamous 'grandkids' had been mentioned as so Arthur set about organising the money in the till because this was the part where he launched into a dreamy explanation of them (or one of them, the other was mentioned but didn't have a report as glowing as his brother's).

"He is really good at art and painting, I told you didn't I?" he asked with a dreamy smile.

"Yeah yeah," Arthur nodded in agreement, neatly arranging the five-dollar bills before placing them back. He seriously doubted the existence of these grandchildren. Not only had he not seen them even though they supposedly lived in the area, but Rome didn't seem old enough to have grandkids at this stage, not that Arthur knew his age, but still.

What were they even called again? They were allegedly twins, he knew that much. They had obviously Italian names as well… Bolognese and Oregano. Yeah, close enough. Bolognese was the arty one and Oregano was the one mentioned with a smile, but not as bright as the one for Bolognese. Oregano was more violent as well, apparently.

"And he drew me a picture of a bunny when he was just six years old~" Rome hummed, reclining back on a chaise longue as he began muttering happily to himself. Arthur raised an eyebrow, but didn't bother passing comment. He had seen his boss in this state far too often for it to be unusual.

"Want me to get some grapes for you to eat while you reminisce?" he asked jokingly, "Perhaps locate that toga I saw in the back of the shop that time?"

Rome stopped his daydreaming and looked at him seriously before opening his mouth. "That actually sounds go-"

"I was joking, I'm not doing any of that."

"So mean," he sighed dramatically, though he didn't seem particularly bothered by it. "I'm sat on this beautiful Roman creation and yet you won't help me go for more authenticity."

"The Egyptians created it," Arthur said dryly, "Then the Greeks laid claim to the chaise longue before the Romans came along."

"That reminds me," the brunette said, getting up and beginning to root around some of the shelves, looking for something. "There's a scholarship exam coming up for World Academy W."

"How did that remind you about a scholarship?"

"You're smart, so maybe you could get it?"

The blonde scoffed. "Please, like someone like me would fit in with those snobs. Besides, I only know the stuff I've read about. I don't think they're interested in what my mind has to offer or anything."

"You could always try?" Rome asked, pulling a slip of paper out from one of the vases and ignoring Arthur yelling at him to not put random crap inside the bloody antiques. "Here," he handed it over with a flourish and Arthur gave it a withering glance before sighing and slipping it into his pocket.

"I'll look it over, but I'm not gonna go for it."

"But if you do, you could meet my grandsons~"

Ah. So that's what this was about. "As charming as they sound, they wouldn't be the reason I'd go." He pushed off of the counter and began to head down one of the isles the small shop had to offer. "Now I need to go and find that amulet made from red Jasper. Someone placed an order for one."

Rome grabbed his wrist before he could advance too far, however, and levelled him a look. "Please give it a go," he urged, and when Arthur only glanced away looking slightly annoyed he pressed on. "I know you don't really like America, and you don't have any friends, and you always get into fights, and you're smart but you don't go to school."

"Is this meant to be a pep talk?" Arthur asked, raising an eyebrow. "Because it's pretty shi-"

"Listen, I'm getting to the good part! Ahem," he cleared his throat, "I know you don't go to school because you need to work here and the money goes towards your rent, but as your guardian I feel it is my duty to make you go for this."

"Since when were you my guardian?" Arthur muttered, though he was touched at the role Rome had assumed, even if he wouldn't let him know that.

"Your mother asked me to look over you before she…" Both males winced, and that particular sentence was left unfinished. "You can work the shop in the evenings, and you can still earn enough for the rent. But consider the scholarship, all right? If you're going to get an education, you may as well go to one of the top places in the world, right?"

There were times (most of the time, actually) where Arthur dubbed Rome as a slightly batty old man who was nice enough on most days, had a damn terrifying temper whenever someone pissed him off, and didn't usually offer wise advice (praising Arthur on winning fights, for example, when technically he should have discouraged it). But then there were other times, however few they were, where Rome said something truly wise, or showed a compassion that wasn't seen very often. Both of them knew that Arthur didn't have anywhere close to the money required to pay the fees for an elite place like World Academy W, and even if Arthur did mock the uniform clad students and claimed that they were all snobs that he would never hang out with even if he was held at gunpoint, he knew he was missing out.

He actually did enjoy learning, liked the idea that having knowledge could unlock more of the world. So if he could get into a school that had such renown then it would probably stand him in better stead later on…

He sighed, nodding noncommittally and grunting in a way that promised nothing before he pulled away from Rome and began to enact his search of the shelves. Rome let the issue drop and went back to the chaise longue, and when Arthur pointed out that as the boss of the place he should probably, oh I don't know, _get off your arse and do something productive_, he smiled and was back to his usual teasing and light-heartedness.

x~x~x~x~x

Arthur practically flopped through the door and into his small flat at around quarter past eight that evening, utterly exhausted from the earlier fight and then having to deal with Rome being, well, _Rome_, for the last few hours. He was considering just going to sleep straight away and when he heard the eager sound of something fast approaching, he just braced himself because his lack of energy would be no match for the rapidly approaching fur-ball that had nothing but.

And so he ended up sprawled across the floor and laughing as his dog bowled him over enthusiastically.

"All right all right, down boy!" he managed, trying to push the eager border collie away from him though he wasn't as successful as he hoped in this endeavour. "Farley, sit! Sit!" Through some miracle, the dog actually did stop after about a minute of issuing a loving assault and sat obediently, tail wagging and looking up at Arthur expectantly.

Right. There would be no sleeping for anyone unless Farley got his walk.

"Sometimes you are so annoying, you know that?" he asked, though he was smiling as he headed for the small kitchenette and Farley happily followed behind, practically jumping up and down as soon as Arthur reached for the dog bowl and began to fill it.

When the dog finally got his long awaited food, Arthur sat down on a chair and idly watched him. "You're spoilt," he stated, very seriously, though the dog paid him no attention. He couldn't really afford to keep him, in all honesty, plus his flat was technically not allowed to house animals. Luckily for him he was on good terms with the landlady who understood his rather unique predicament and so wasn't quite as evil as she could be if he ever got behind on the rent. It had taken a good few hours of begging for her to agree to let the dog stay though, but after telling the tragic tale of the poor stray who would have died had Arthur not found him, and Farley offering an absolutely devastating kicked puppy look, the animal became a very permanent addition to the flat and to Arthur's life.

"Rome thinks I should go for a scholarship to a snobby academy," Arthur said conversationally, and Farley briefly stopped guzzling long enough to glance up at the Brit to let him know that he was listening and also give him a look that said, 'So go for it then'. "Yeah, but look at me," he gestured to all of himself, pointing out his wild hair, his torn jeans, his shirt that, while very amusing, wasn't really appropriate with its expletives. "They'd probably take one look and send me away."

"Arf!"

Arthur hummed. "It would be kinda cool though, I suppose, to get in… Yanno, just to be able to stick my middle finger up at all of those snobs who sneer at me when they pass me in the street or treat me like an idiot. If I got in then I could represent everyone who was ever ridiculed at the hands of those rich wankers."

Farley had resumed eating but Arthur was suddenly feeling very self-righteous and felt the need to issue a grand speech for the benefit of his dog and the rest of his sparse furniture. "For too long people have been labelled based solely on looks!" he said dramatically, standing up on his chair. "So what if I like to fight? It's cool to test my strength, that's all; I'm not a nutter who's addicted to violence. And yeah I curse, what are you gonna fucking do about it?" he asked defiantly. "So you put the prices up to stop 'scum' like me getting into your oh-so-elite school, huh?" He had actually been called scum on more than one occasion. Those Academy twats were lucky that they could run damn fast and that Arthur was far too busy eating a chocolate bar to seriously pursue them. "Well this stops now! I'll get that scholarship and prove everyone wrong. Plus I suppose it would be a nice change of pace from lounging in the antique store all day."

Farley had finished his food at this point and was looking up at Arthur who was still stood on the chair, and began woofing by way of cheering such a beautiful monologue (or at least, that's how Arthur was taking it).

"All right boy, let's go on a walk!" Arthur said, suddenly much more energised as he hopped off of the chair and snatched the lead from the counter, causing Farley to go into something of a frenzy.

x~x~x~x~x

Even the most cynical person couldn't help but stare at the grand building that was World Academy W. Or building_s_ would be more correct. The elite high school was a great sprawling campus but not one of the buildings were the dreaded birth child of concrete and some wayward designer's idea of 'innovation'. No, it was truly a thing of beauty with its polished appearance of red brick and carefully selected climber plants that were clearly chosen with care and were kept meticulously.

Arthur had never been inside the building before, and thus had never really seen the full extent of the campus, but he had heard people talking about a fountain of all things, and a pool and tennis courts and, well, pretty much anything you could imagine. There was probably a special building for butlers to wait until their young masters and mistresses had finished their school day.

The blonde scoffed, but he headed towards the entrance and shoved his hands in his pockets, glancing to the either side where there were neat patches of grass, like tiny gardens, that were edged with roses of varying colours. And upon closer inspection they had all been dethorned.

"Christ," he murmured, "How the other half live, eh?"

He pushed the door open and found a squeaky clean corridor with rows of neat lockers. No rubbish strewn about, no lewd graffiti scribbled on the lockers… It was like he had stepped onto some sort of alien planet. Were the people who attended here really of high school age? But then he remembered that it was the summer holidays at the moment, so it wouldn't be difficult to imagine that the place had been cleaned up in the weeks where the building was unoccupied. He pressed on nevertheless, following the signs for the reception, and he eventually came across a door labelled, surprise surprise, '_RECEPTION_'.

He wondered if it would be appropriate to knock, but then what if there was no one there and he was just hitting the door like a lunatic? He decided against it and just walked in, earning a disapproving look from the receptionist, a woman with short blonde hair and blue eyes that were currently looking him up and down and clearly not liking what they saw.

Shit. Should've knocked.

"Have you got the right building?" she asked, clearly finding it far too difficult to wrap her mind around the idea that Arthur was actually _meant_ to be there. He detected some sort of accent, though he didn't dwell on it and instead said "yeah" a bit more defensively than he meant to.

"Hm. Come here," she ordered, and Arthur, not one to ever like being told what to do, deliberately hung back for a moment, just until the woman looked like she was about to call someone to kick him out, then he advanced. He wasn't sure _why_ she was looking at him as though he was a barbarian. He had actually tried to tame his hair today (it failed) and he was wearing a plain white t-shirt so as not to cause offense. Even his denim jeans didn't have _that_ many tears in them, and everything was clean. But apparently it didn't meet her high standards.

"What is your business here?" she asked, with a snooty air about her, and the Brit was seriously wondering if he wanted to come to a place where the people were probably like this all the time.

"I'm here to sign up for the scholarship test being held here in two weeks," he said as nicely as he could given the circumstances. He brandished the leaflet he had gotten from Rome as if that would explain everything.

The woman blinked, as if trying to put two and two together, before she bit her lip and quickly excused herself, running off into a back room and leaving Arthur stood there alone.

"Charming," he muttered, deciding to glance around at the décor. There were some rather nice paintings that probably cost a lot more than they should, and a neat row of cushioned chairs along the back wall for people to wait on. There were two coffee tables off to the side sporting various magazines and there was even a small fish tank. Yes, this place was definitely in a different league.

The woman- Jeanne, if he was to believe the little silver plate giving the receptionist's name- returned with an Asian man before she pointed to Arthur. "This is the young man I informed you about," she said, "The one who would like to sit the scholarship exam."

Again, the man looked at him with curious eyes that edged more towards disapproval before he cleared his throat. "What is your name?" he asked.

"Arthur."

"Well, Arthur, I'm afraid…" the man hesitated, as if trying to think how best to say something, "Well, there aren't any places left."

"What?" Arthur asked incredulously. "All I want to do is sit a test! How can there be no places left?"

"We are all about equality here at World Academy W, aru," he explained, a fake apologetic look plastered on his face, "We have already had a lot of male applicants, so we are only looking for girls to take the test now."

Now Arthur may not be an expert in the inner workings of a school, but he knew bullshit when it was being served up to him on a silver bloody platter.

"You can't be serious."

"We are I'm afraid," the man said, "Though by all means, you are more than welcome to try again next year."

Basically, translated, that meant, '_We do not want someone like you contaminating our school_'.

Well fine. He could take the hint. It wasn't like he was oblivious or anything. "Whatever," he scoffed, his hands returning to the depths of his pockets as he turned around, "Wouldn't wanna come to a stuck up place like this anyway. Go fuck yourself with those silver spoons you were born with, yeah?"

Indignant sputtering was the background noise as he left the reception (slamming the door behind him in an act of childish defiance) but before he made his way back down the corridor and out of the place that he didn't really see himself going to anyway, he hung back when he heard the two people muttering.

"Were we right to turn him away?" the woman asked.

"Yes. Someone like that could ruin the sterling reputation of our Academy. Our scholarship is for the less fortunate, not for delinquents."

"He might not have passed anyway though."

"Would you want to take that risk?"

"No…"

"Well we won't see him again. He thinks only girls can apply now, so there's nothing he can do."

The conversation then took a turn into monotony as they discussed whether they had placed the correct amount of orders for the upcoming school year and Arthur used all of his willpower to not go back in there and throttle that stupid Asian guy, whoever the hell he was.

He stormed out of the building and glared at the immaculate buildings. He stuck his middle finger up at them.

"Wankers, I don't need them or their school," he muttered angrily, wondering why he had even bothered making an effort (he honestly had, it wasn't his fault he couldn't afford the fucking gold threads that the others could). "Just tell me you didn't want me instead of lying, cowards," he carried on, walking down the pavement and not paying attention to his direction. "Only open to girls? I'm not stupid, why d'ya think I was going for the bloody scholarship?!"

So it probably wasn't healthy to be talking to oneself, but no one was around and he was pissed off. Why could he never catch a break?! It was always raised eyebrows and unsure glances and stupid challenges to fight from weak people who didn't know what they were doing or- or it was having to leave his country because of his mother's new job and- and not having his mobile charged to tell his mum that no, it was fine, he didn't need anything from the store so don't… don't go there because…

"Argh! For fuck's sake!" he yelled, clenching a fist and punching the closest possible surface, which just so happened to be a brick wall. He cursed lightly, but didn't make too much of an effort as he cut the skin enough for blood to lightly trickle down his fingers. "Fuck…"

So that was it. Business as usual. Go see Rome, work at the antique shop, walk Farley, rinse and repeat. How long would he keep doing this? _Why_ was he even doing it? The future wasn't exactly bright, and he could always go to one of the normal schools, but the ones in the area weren't known for excellence and were essentially just fighting grounds. Which Arthur would excel in, mind you, but it was pointless because he did all of that on the streets anyway (and he had probably beaten the toughest guys at such schools anyway). It was as if he was walking around and was constantly being followed by a bright neon sign that read, '_OPEN TARGET_'.

They probably thought it would be an easy fight given the fact that he wasn't the tallest or bulkiest guy around. Some bastard even said he thought he was a girl from behind, and that had-

Wait.

Arthur's eyes widened, the stinging in his hand forgotten. A girl? He had been mistaken for a girl…

Now Arthur knew that the wisest thing to do would be to forget this whole ridiculous day out, forget about World Academy, and just continue on with life. But, as previously stated, the blonde _hated_ being told what to do. And if he couldn't have something, well, he just wanted it even more. So to be so obviously refused a place just fuelled the fire within him to get in there at any cost, prove everyone wrong, and then he had gloating rights for eternity.

He looked at his surroundings and saw that he had subconsciously been heading into town anyway. Oh how convenient.

"Only girls can apply?" Arthur murmured, "Then fine. I'll play by your rules. For now."

x~x~x~x~x

**So I'm hoping you guys will stick with this, especially when we actually get Art into the Academy. I'll try my best to post chapters quickly, seeing as I actually know where this is going (unlike INWYT! where I just let the random go wherever it wants to XD)**

**Oh, and the dog? Yeah, I see Iggy as a dog person (for two reasons: one of his National Animals is a dog, and dogs are the most popular house-pets in Britain) so enjoy Farley's silliness!**

**Until next time then~ And please review? I'm always terrified when I post a new story and reviews help to keep me confident "n.n**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	2. In Which Alice Is Born

**You gais~ I got such a lovely response from the first chapter that I couldn't help but want to update quickly again! The power of reviews, I guess XP**

**Oh and I'm glad you like the way Art is in here. I'm really sick and tired of seeing him portrayed as being a defenceless weakling who always needs to be saved. And so you get a slightly cocky arsehole instead I guess XP**

x~x~x~x~x

CHAPTER TWO- In Which Alice Is Born

"Damn, this thing is itchy," Arthur complained, messing around with the wig once again. "Okay," he said after a moment, whirling around and looking at Farley, "How do I look?"

The dog whimpered.

"Ouch." Arthur pretended to look hurt before he sighed and placed a hand on his hip. "You could at least offer some words of encouragement."

Farley hid his face in his paws.

"Okay, I get it, I look like shit," Arthur admitted, going to the bathroom and looking in the mirror. He pulled a face. "Let's just bear in mind that I was on a tight budget," he said, but Farley didn't seem impressed and Arthur couldn't blame him. "Maybe if I put those glasses on…"

He went out into the kitchen and grabbed the red-rimmed glasses, putting them on before returning to the mirror. "Well I guess it looks marginally better?" he said, but even he didn't sound too sure. At least the glasses obscured his eyes a bit, so the World Academy wankers would find it more difficult to place him. Or so he hoped.

"Wait!" he said suddenly, startling Farley, who looked up in worry. "I know what's wrong here!" He groped his chest and frowned, "I need boobs."

If dogs could laugh, then his probably would have done. "I mean it!" he said. "All I have is this cheapo gypsy skirt," just to illustrate his point his turned so that the long garment flared out all around him, "And this wig." He tugged on the long blonde strands and cringed. It felt like straw (sort of looked like it too) but hey, what else would you expect for three dollars? He had also purchased the glasses because they didn't actually have any corrective lenses in and they were only a few cents.

(In fact _'Thrift Shop'_ would have been the song playing during his little shopping spree had this been a film).

"Okay, how to get boobs," he wondered, running into his bedroom (it was more like a cupboard with a bed and a few draws in it) and rooting around. He came across a vest top that was too small for him now, an old garment from when he was younger, and then raided his underwear drawer. "Okay."

He pulled his t-shirt off and placed the vest on, before balling up a few pairs of underwear and shoving them down the vest to fashion the breasts in question. He then placed his t-shirt over it all and went to look in the mirror.

Even he couldn't help but burst out laughing this time. "Dear god they look deformed!" he gasped, clutching his sides. "Uhm… maybe a sweater would obscure that?" Back to the bedroom and a blue hoodie was produced and, true to form, it did obscure them. Now it only looked as though there was _something_ there, which was what boobs were, right? It wasn't as though he planned on wearing revealing clothes, so this should be fine.

He looked as the sorry fake hair strands fell past his shoulders and thought about putting it up, but he didn't have a bobble anywhere and there was little point in splashing out for one. Down would do.

So the next item on the agenda was the voice. He obviously didn't sound like a girl at all. "Hello, I'm Arthur," he said in the highest register he could muster, but it just sounded as though he was voicing a puppet in a terrible pantomime. "Ah, my name…"

He plonked himself down on the hardwood floor and Farley trotted up to him. The Brit began to stroke him idly, thinking of different names. "Any suggestions?" he asked.

"Woof!"

"Helpful as always," he said sarcastically, but he scratched behind the canine's ears. "Well it needs to be something I'll remember, so it should begin with 'A'… Meh, let's just go with Alice. Seems easy enough." Farley barked his agreement and Arthur tried once again to sound like a girl, but he just sounded like he had a terrible cold or something weird stuck in his throat.

"This isn't working," he moaned, lying down, which of course Farley took advantage of, using Arthur as a bed and lying on top of him, tail wagging happily. "At least one of us is enjoying this."

After a few more failed attempts, Arthur decided that Alice would have to be a mute. Either that, or incredibly shy. He could just about manage a few words if he spoke fairly quietly, so that would have to do.

"On the plus side," Arthur said, settling down because Farley didn't look like he'd be moving any time soon, "I look atrocious, so at least there won't be any guys hitting on me." He shuddered at the idea before he laughed. "Ugh, could you imagine? How awkward would that be?"

x~x~x~x~x

A few days later saw 'Alice' stood outside of the World Academy building on a mission. Emerald eyes bore into the building as if it had personally wrong him. "Okay Art, you are a strong, independent woman," he told himself, but he couldn't take himself seriously. After a few minutes of immature snickering, he clenched his fists and headed into the building once more.

Honestly, in his head electric guitars were going off and the way he was striding down the corridor made it seem as though he was going into battle, not trying to sign a slip of paper to enable him to take a bloody test. He corrected his stance before he walked into the reception area, trying to look as meek as possible and gearing up to play 'shy Alice', which was ludicrous really because Arthur was a lot of things, and quiet and shy weren't included in that.

If he really pulled this off, he'd be expecting an Oscar.

He knocked this time, having learnt his lesson from the other day, and waited until he heard the snooty receptionist give him the esteemed privilege of entering.

Instead of a look of loathing this time, Arthur (or Alice, whatever) actually received more of a curious look that was bordering on pitying. Well, he was one ugly chick so that was probably to be expected. He should start a television programme, _'How To Switch Genders For Under Ten Dollars (As Long As You Don't Mind Looking A Bit Shit)'_. Given the popular rubbish Americans favoured on the telly these days, it would probably be a hit.

Anyway.

"Can I help you?" the woman asked in a much more agreeable tone than before.

"Yes," Arthur said, voice quiet and soft and as high as he could make it without sounding like a chipmunk on speed that was here to take the piss. "I, uhm… the scholarship test?" he asked, wrapping a strand of the straw like hair around his index finger. Well, he may as well milk the 'shy' angle. "C-Can I sign up?"

The woman hesitated for a moment, very obviously looked him (what she thought was a 'her) up and down, before smiling and nodding. "Of course, here are the papers we need you to sign." She reached down and pulled a drawer out of the desk, retrieving a few papers and laying them on the desk along with a pen. Arthur nodded and headed over, hardly surprised when he saw they were asking for name, age, the usual.

**Name:** Alice Kirkland  
**Age:** 16  
**Birthday:** 28th April  
**Gender:** Female  
**Next Of Kin:**

Arthur hesitated at that, biting his lip and looking at the text in confusion. He would have questioned it, but then that would have lead to more questions and then a sob-story and Arthur didn't want pity from anyone, especially the woman who clearly thought his actual self was worthless. He would have put Rome, but that would probably rope the man into obligations that he didn't need to be a part of and probably connect him to those infamous grandsons somehow, and how would he explain to Rome why his grandchildren were talking about some shy girl called Alice as opposed to a fiery guy called Arthur? So Rome wasn't an option.

**Next of Kin:** N/A

It took about ten minutes in total for everything to be filled in, at which point Jeanne had to look through everything. She did focus on the 'Next Of Kin' bit but as she raised her gaze to ask about it, Arthur did his best to look so tragic and pathetic that the woman would feel like a murderer for even trying. Luckily it worked, and everything was accepted.

"Here you are," she said, handing him a slip of paper with the date, time and building that the test would be held in. "There are four primary sections on our scholarship test. English, Mathematics, General Knowledge, and a question in which you will have to write an essay. There is only one full scholarship available. Best of luck."

Arthur took the paper and just about managed to resist fist-pumping or shouting out a 'Come on!' lest he give himself away. Instead, as Alice, he nodded politely and a little awkwardly, before scurrying out of the reception. But he had done it. He had actually gotten permission to sit the test.

Now all he had to do was actually get the scholarship…

x~x~x~x~x

The following few days were a blur of aggressive reading at the local library, cursing at the slow internet provided by wi-fi cafés while trying to look at any past scholarship papers, beating the shit out of some random wanker who challenged him, and generally going through a massive stage of self-doubt which was shortly followed by a bout of inexplicable courage and the feeling of invincibility. The whole process would have made a rather wicked montage had Rocky been about studying and swotting up and not fighting.

The actual test itself was a blur. Arthur, as Alice, had successfully infiltrated the building and was quickly sized up by the competition. The girls sent him pitying looks and any guys looked as though they wanted to head for the hills. Pfft, they would be _honoured_ to have the sexy that was Alice Kirkland!

(That's what he told himself, anyway, because, yes, he resembled a troll as Alice, and while he wasn't vain, it wasn't nice to be so obviously tragic in the looks department).

The test was one of those that were so utterly important that you forgot anything and everything that was on it as soon as it was over. So when the horror finally ended, and he had been sufficiently judged and teased by the others hoping to get into the academy, he found that the previous hours were nothing but a nerve-wracking blank. He couldn't even begin to hazard a guess at how well he had done and he had half a mind to storm the antique shop despite him having got the day off for the test just so he could go yell at Rome for ever convincing him to go for it.

And so that brings us to this current moment in time: Arthur on one side of his flat, Farley by his side with his ears pricked up and his tail stiff, as if waiting for the signal from his master to attack. The adversary was stationed on the other side: a poncy looking letter with the World Academy logo on the envelope and a fancy-arse seal.

The showdown had been going on for a good ten minutes and still Arthur didn't dare to move, scared that if he moved just a centimetre the envelope would explode or something. He should just throw it away and not read it, spare himself the disappointment. Better to live in ignorance, right? It was supposedly bliss. And, if he were to go by the Schrödinger's Cats theory, by not opening the envelope then he had actually passed _and_ failed, which was better than just an outright fail.

"Bloody hell, what were the odds anyway?" he questioned, looking at Farley as if he knew the answer. "There were easily fifty people there, maybe even more. And some looked like they had been studying their whole lives for it."

He knew he'd have to open it eventually though and so very carefully he began to slowly edge his way closer to the door where the mail-slot was and the mass of post was that lay underneath (or, that should have been how it went, but Arthur rarely got letters, or calls, or texts, or- you get the idea).

He grasped the enveloped and sat down on the floor, cross-legged, and Farley moved to shove his nose under Arthur's arm so that he could get a good look at the action while simultaneously nuzzling his leg in comfort. "Cheers, boy," Arthur murmured before sucking in a breath and breaking the seal. He pulled the letter out and quickly decided that treating the letter as if it were a plaster and simply ripping it off quickly was the best possible solution to this. Get the rejection quickly and then move on.

_Dear Miss Kirkland,_

He read and he groaned. "I've failed," he said instantly, "You can just tell by the tone and everything. You read it!" He pushed the letter into his dog's face but both realised that such an arrangement would not work, so he reluctantly carried on reading.

_We are pleased to inform you that you have been awarded a full scholarship to attend World Academy W. The scholarship will be in effect until the end of your schooling with us, and—_

Arthur stopped reading at this point, his eyes wide and wondering if he had fallen asleep or if he had forgotten how to read or- or_—_

"Oh my god!" he exclaimed, skim-reading the rest. Something about the standard being really high, this is such an accomplishment, looking forward to seeing her (oh shit, he had to be a girl for two years now while at school, damn didn't think that through…) at the start of the upcoming school year starting in September.

"This is mental," he breathed, but he was soon jumping around the room laughing. "Yeah! In your face you World Academy lot! I got in! Me! Hah!" He grinned at the universe before looking at Farley, who was more than happy to join in with this high-energy bout of jumping around the room, and rushed to the door. "Let's go see Rome and tell him," he told his dog, not seeing the need for a lead because the dog was loyal and tended not to leave Arthur's side anyway.

x~x~x~x~x

Euphoria could only last so long and, unfortunately, the same held true for bragging rights. Arthur would have been content to stay on top of his little cloud, but he came crashing back down to earth and probably took some poor sods with him on the way when he noticed that a snobby check-list had also been in the envelope stating the materials that he needed. Pens he could do, and he could get a big pad of paper relatively easily.

But that fucking _uniform_.

He didn't know if the thing had been handcrafted by blind monkeys, or perhaps was made of pure solid gold, or maybe the uniform also doubled as a butler that could make tea and sandwiches on demand, but he _did_ know that it was basically theft to charge such a large amount for some material.

"Farley, I think we need to rob a bank or something," Arthur sighed as he collapsed onto the old sofa and stared once more at the stupidly high figure that he didn't have a hope in hell of reaching. Arthur actually turning into a real girl would be more likely.

Farley, in all of his canine wisdom, wisely kept his distance as if to say that robbing banks was a bad idea. The blonde just groaned and buried his head in the sofa cushions. It had all been fine until people had begun rolling out the _'Back To School'_ signs and all of a sudden the apocalypse seemed to descend as Arthur realised he needed to get kitted out.

(And he took his kitting out seriously. And by 'seriously' that meant threatening to stab someone violently with the pen if the bastard refused to let go. Because Arthur got there first and it was the cheapest one).

Before he even realised it September had arrived and he only had a few days to get everything sorted. He had not managed to improve upon the wig and he couldn't find anything that remotely resembled the World Academy uniform so it was either robbing a bank, mugging a student and taking their uniform (but he was hardly about to assault a girl, he did have some morals and he was no where near _that_ desperate), or turning up on the first day to the world renowned education facility looking like a deformed half-gypsy-half-naked-mole-rat concoction.

(Well maybe that was a little bit extreme, but the point is it wouldn't be that good).

"Well," Arthur mumbled into the cushions, trying for once to be optimistic, "I doubt even the World Academy uniform could make me look any better, so what's the point?"

He sighed. So much for trying to blend in and be invisible when he started. He was going to stick out like a sore thumb and he already saw this whole thing being a train-wreck. But hey, at least he could say he tried and years from now, when he was older, he could tell a rather amusing anecdote of that crazy time he cross-dressed just so he could get an education.

God his life had gotten very weird very quickly, hadn't it?

x~x~x~x~x

**Yay! He's going to be at the Academy in the next chapter! Here's a sneak preview: Art makes a 'best friend', meets the Academy's Golden Boy, and also ends up wearing a bra. So look out for it~**

**Please review and another lightning fast update will probably appear :3**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	3. In Which A Makeover Is A Must

**Hello again everyone :) Thank you for your amazing support for this story, it really does mean so much ^_^ Welp, let's get this chapter started!**

x~x~x~x~x

CHAPTER THREE- In Which A Makeover Is A Must

Wide, staring eyes.

Murmurs under breath.

Not so inconspicuous pointing.

And very loud whispers that usually had something to do with 'the size of dem brows'.

Arthur balled his hands into fists and honestly felt like yelling, "Just take a bloody picture, it will last longer!" Though judging by the bright flash from his left, he assumed someone already had done… Fuck.

So the plan of blending in had failed, as was obvious. In his gypsy skirt and mismatched t-shirt Arthur was about as subtle as a fucking tank. It was obvious that the other students here thought that he was terribly lost, but he pressed on, trying to curl in on himself only that really didn't help anything. In fact his hunched back just made him look like an even more unsightly version of Quasi-bloody-modo.

Fabulous.

Even if his self-esteem was rapidly depleting, as Alice anyway, the part of his brain that contained his rather unique sense of humour suddenly made its presence known with this single thought:

_'I reckon I should try out for the cheerleading squad'_.

Come on, that would be damn funny. Those pretty girls with glossy lips and manicured fingernails actually having to sit through Arthur deliberately stumbling around to the beat of some random trashy song while looking like a blonde version of that girl from _The Ring_ would be brilliant! But alas, first things first, and that meant that he had to find his… homeroom, right? That's what it was called over here, if memory served.

This task would have been a whole lot easier if the map of the campus didn't currently resemble something akin to the enigma code. Was this thing even in English?! And what the hell was the west wing?! He looked around and didn't see _anything_ that _remotely resembled_ the poorly drawn shapes on the map.

"Sod this," he muttered under his breath, glaring at those who were beginning to crowd around a little. He wasn't here to entertain them as a freak-show or something. He tore up the map in frustration and dumped the remains rather unceremoniously into the bin.

Before he could vent his frustrations further, the energy in the corridor suddenly seemed to increase tenfold and the concentration of female students sharply rose, all of them gushing about something or another and looking dreamy-eyed.

"Kya~ Al is here~" one hummed.

"Not seeing him during the summer holidays was so hard!" another complained, as if it physically pained her.

There were other dreamily sighed statements and curiosity got the better of Arthur as he turned around to get a look at the student who had successfully reduced the school's female population to a puddle of swooning goo.

Now if this was something out of Hollywood then this is how the scene would have been played out:

'Alice' glanced around and was practically blinded by the CGI sparkles that were superimposed around the student that was casually making his way down the corridor, his lips set in a boyish smirk while some overly-American song played in the background.

Take away the music and imaginary sparkles and add a lot of ear-splitting squealing and you had the reality of events.

Arthur scoffed and turned back around, paying the other little attention. Well it was to be expected, he supposed. He wasn't really the type to go for the overly popular crowd. They tended to be way too superficial.

He was pulled out of his musings about the new appearance with a curious, "Hey, I haven't seen you around here before."

Arthur didn't even need to turn around to know that it was the guy who seemed to be the King of this place. He sounded so American it was almost painful to listen to. Reluctantly he turned around, earning glares from females close in the vicinity (_because how dare she steal the golden boy's attention away from them?!_ is probably what they were thinking) and glanced up.

Golden Boy (for that was now his name in Arthur's mind, at least until he decided a far less flattering name was needed along the lines of 'wanker' or something) raised his eyebrows, no doubt wondering why the offspring of Shrek was skulking around in the school, but didn't actually pass comment.

"Hey, I'm Alfred F. Jones!" he greeted, offering a winning smile. Arthur just stood there and blinked in confusion. What was the point in including the 'F' in that introduction?

"Alice," he said meekly, voice quiet and high.

The interaction didn't last too long though as a girl with short blonde hair and long eyelashes entered the scene, her uniform accentuating her curves and showing off her, ah, 'perky assets'.

"Hey Al~" she hummed, taking a hold of his hand and beginning to drag him away, "I wanted to talk to you about something." She smiled in a sultry fashion and Arthur watched as the two of them went away, like two overly-popular-fake-people in the wind. Well, looked as though the balance was restored. Can't have the popular guy talking to the weirdo student girl now, can we?

(Well you could if this was some sort of Indie film, but it wasn't).

"Strange," he muttered, but soon forgot the interaction and was back to trying to locate the long lost homeroom.

After the bell had rung to signal the official start of the school day and a lot more obvious staring, Arthur found that he was still lost and, having to swallow his pride, he reluctantly headed towards the reception to ask the way. Of course he had been questioned about the lack of the uniform, but he bowed his head and replied with, 'Money issues,' and that at least seemed to appease Jeanne. The only thing he hadn't counted on when he was finally shown the way to his form was the awkward standing he had to do in front of the class.

"Please introduce yourself," his teacher said, looking at him expectantly and Arthur gulped as everyone's attention shot to him.

"Umm…" He gulped. "H-Hi. I'm Alice Kirkland and I'm new here." _Really?_ 'I'm new here'? No shit, that's the reason he was introducing himself. Well he probably looked extremely special right now.

Sensing the distress coming from his latest student, the teacher excused the young woman and said that she could sit anywhere she wished. Alice nodded and began to meander her way to an empty spot before a hand shot out and grabbed her wrist.

Arthur let out an uncharacteristic squeak, which he supposed fit Alice perfectly, and landed on a seat next to a girl with long brunette hair and inquisitive dark green eyes.

"You can sit here, Alice," she smiled, though there was something rather off putting about it and suddenly Arthur felt as though he was prey for this girl, which was a feeling he wasn't used to at all and definitely wasn't fond of.

"Cheers," he practically whispered.

"British?" she asked, pushing a strand of hair out of her eyes and fixing it back with a flowery clip. Alice nodded and the girl grinned.

"Americans all get hard ons for that accent, so you should be just fine." The only response Alice could muster was wide-eyed shock and worry. The girl laughed melodically and tilted her head to the side. "I'm Elizaveta, but everyone just calls me Liz. I'm sure we'll be good friends." She said that, but she was clearly sizing him- or, her, whatever- up.

"Uhm… okay," Alice responded, bowing her head before looking to the front of the classroom in an attempt to escape the calculating look.

"What lesson do you have first?" Elizaveta asked, peering over Alice's shoulder to try and find the timetable she had been given earlier. Alice fumbled around before successfully locating it and showed it to the other. "English, huh? Cool, we're in the same first class!" She began to scrutinise everything and she seemed to glow as she said, "We're actually in the same class for everything apart from Maths! Isn't that great Alice?"

"Yeah…"

This girl was going to eat him alive, wasn't she?

"So are you the student who got the scholarship?" she asked conversationally, all while Alice was slowly slumping further and further into her seat. Perhaps if Arthur really, truly willed it, he would disappear. Man, he couldn't do this. This was an awful idea!

"Mm-hmm," he responded. _'Now please let's stop playing 20Q!'_ he thought desperately.

"Wow, you must be really smart~"

"I guess…"

"You're not much for talking, are you?" she asked, but she said it with a friendly smile before she reached out and slung her arm over the blonde. "Well don't worry. I can help you." She said that last bit in a suggestive way, as if she wasn't just talking about helping with Alice's apparent lack of conversational skills

x~x~x~x~x

As it turns out, Arthur's hunch was correct. The day had been largely uneventful, sort of like a giant admin day where books were handed out and outlines of what they would be covering over the course of the year were explained. And of course Elizaveta had decided to become Alice's shadow, following her everywhere and chatting happily.

Things started to go wrong, though, when the end of the day arrived.

"Hey Alice, want to come back to my place?" Liz had asked, looking perfectly innocent.

"Ah, I need to get back," Arthur replied, desperate to get away, get out of the wig that was itching like a bitch and just collapse into a heap when he got home. "I need to walk my dog and I have a job to get to." The last part was a lie. Rome had been very generous in letting him have the evening off because he knew how tiring first days could be (insert loving rant about the grandchildren and their first day here) but it served as a decent alibi.

"I'm sure your boss won't mind," Liz said decidedly, grabbing Alice's hand and marching off in the opposite direction of where Arthur's own flat was.

_'What was the point in asking if I didn't have a bloody choice?!'_ Arthur was yelling in his head, but he just carried on and tuned out the scenery and Liz's babbling as the two of them walked along.

Elizaveta's 'place' was a very grand 'place'. The sort of place that had at least a million bedrooms and a million servants to tend to them (okay perhaps that was an exaggeration, but it was massive). It was a grand manor house with climber plants weaving their way up the stone walls and expansive front lawns. Arthur's mouth actually dropped a little. This girl _lived_ here. His flat was probably the size of her bloody wardrobe!

"Here we are," she said, leading the two of them inside and of course the interior was just as grand, all expensive mahogany furniture here and crystal chandeliers there. This was a completely different world.

"Let's go up to my room," she said casually, leading the way, and it was only then that reality really came back to Arthur. He was here in some ridiculously expensive house with a girl who wasn't at all unattractive and they were going to her room…

No he wasn't an opportunist. He was just a guy. Suddenly this whole 'pretending to be a girl' malarkey was very attractive indeed.

Thoughts that belonged in the gutter aside, they eventually arrived at the room in question and, yes, it was basically bigger than his whole flat. There was a large bed in the middle that Arthur had the urge to dive-bomb onto, and a few posters of half-naked men with muscled torsos here and there, as well as some with bands on them. A computer lay on a desk, quite a high-tech model actually, and there were a few beanbags in the centre, which Liz promptly flopped onto and gestured for Alice to do the same. She did, but much more demurely.

Elizaveta went back to her scrutinising look. "Sooo," she began, holding the vowel longer than usual as if to imply impending doom or something. "Have you ever considered having a makeover?"

Yup, the doom was impending.

Arthur sputtered. Oh great, even Liz was saying he was dire now. "W-Why?"

"Well it's not easy being a girl," Liz said seriously, "Learning how to use make-up, co-ordinating clothes properly… It's all very serious."

"I guess," Alice said, not especially bothered about any of that shite.

"Well I suppose it would be hard for a _guy_ like you to understand."

"Exa- what?" Alice's eyes widened. Oh god, was she onto him?! Her?! It?! Fuck what even _was_ Arthur anymore?!

"You heard me," aaaaaand the predatory smile was back. "So what's your real name, guy?"

"I-I don't know what you're-" the half arsed retort was quickly cut off when Liz suddenly made a snatch at the wig and Alice yelped. "H-Hey! Don't!" A ridiculous struggle for the wig ensued which eventually ended when Arthur, in his usual register, yelled, "For god's sake woman! Would you bloody stop?!"

Liz did, and sat back with a satisfied smile while Arthur realised his error and groaned. "Shit… Okay, so you know. When did you figure it out?"

"When I first saw you. I can just sense these things. It's a gift."

"I wouldn't call that a gift," Arthur muttered, but didn't question it. "So, you gonna turn me into the school or something? Or tell everyone?"

"Why would I do that?"

"Eh? Why _wouldn't_ you?"

"I'm not an enemy, I really do want to help. I can give you a makeover and actually make you look like an authentic girl. Because I hate to break it to you, but that," she gestured to the current get-up, "Is not going to fool anyone for long."

"I was on a budget," Arthur protested, but he sighed. "Yeah I know, okay? I can't afford the uniform though, and as if I'd know about make-up." He cupped his 'breasts' as he said, "And these are fashioned out of my underwear! I know I'm not that convincing, but it's the best I can do."

"Which is why you should let me help you."

Arthur regarded the female with suspicion. "Why would you do that?"

"Because it's a challenge. And because this is very interesting. So why are you dressed like that anyway?"

After a long explanation that bordered on a rant about what had happened when he as himself had tried to apply, and then the subsequent birth of 'Alice', Liz was grinning and couldn't wait to get started on her latest 'project'.

"Okay Arthur-" she had learnt the name over the course of the explanation- "Just leave it to me!"

Arthur was scared to ask what 'it' was but 'it' soon became very apparent as Liz jumped up and rushed over to her wardrobe- which was basically a whole different room- and emerged with an armful of clothes and a blonde wig.

"Why do you even have a wig?" Arthur asked, looking at it sceptically. His own straw-like thing had been tossed aside some time ago during the explanation.

"I was in a play when I was a kid. Rapunzel," she clarified. "I got a standing ovation~" she hummed, and Arthur did catch sight of a photo of a young girl with long blonde hair wearing a Disney Princess style dress holding a frying pan up proudly. There was also a little albino kid laying face down. Didn't take long to put two-and-two together.

"Okay, strip!" she commanded, and Arthur gave her a positively scandalised look.

"You can't be serious."

"Now now, we're all girls here," she giggled, beginning to pull at his t-shirt before Arthur grabbed her wrist and looked at her seriously.

"I'm dressed like this because I want to go to your posh school," he said matter-of-factly. "I'm not dressed like this because I like it. Do you realise the reality of things? You've basically just bought a straight guy into your bedroom when no one else is at home. And despite what you might think, I'm not weak in the least."

Liz gave him a calculated look and stepped back just a bit. "You're straight?"

"Yeah," Arthur said, running a hand through his hair. "Just so we're clear I'm not actually going to do anything to you. You're not really my type-"

"What?! Hey, what wrong with me?" Liz said, suddenly indignant, but Arthur carried on.

"-I'm just making sure that you understand that I'm not thrilled with this situation. And making sure that you don't think I actually am gay lest you think it's wise to strip down in front of me or anything. You're not my type, but I still get urges and shit."

The brunette thought about it a little before pouting a bit. "Ah man. And here I thought I'd found someone for Feliks to… play with." She had to think about that wording, and with the dreamy look in her eyes Arthur really didn't want to know _what_ she was thinking of. "Are you sure you're straight?" she asked.

Arthur made a show of looking around at the half-naked poster men in the room and shuddering. "Absolutely positive."

"Well all right. Still, that doesn't mean you get out of stripping." She gestured to the posters. "You haven't got anything I haven't already seen~"

Arthur sighed but yanked his t-shirt off. He wondered if he should make an effort to hide his underwear from sight but decided that was all too much effort and so away came the vest and out tumbled his 'boobs'.

"Oh wow, wasn't expecting that," Liz said, her eyebrows raised as she looked Arthur up and down.

"What?" Arthur asked irritably.

"You're actually in really good shape… I assumed you'd be really skinny or the androgynous type, but you actually have muscles."

Arthur scoffed. "My build might not be the most masculine one around but that doesn't automatically make it feminine."

Liz hummed in agreement before she moved closer, brandishing a plain white bra with a little pink bow in the middle.

"I am _not_ wearing that," Arthur said flatly.

"Yes you are. You have to do everything I say if you want to be convincing."

"Since when are you the boss of me?" he challenged.

"Since I can go and out you to everyone," she smirked triumphantly and the blonde realised that this girl had way too much ammo and that he was an idiot for trusting her.

He grumbled some curses but snatched the bra anyway, slipping it on and cursing again when he couldn't get the bloody clasp done up.

"Liz, getting these things _off_ is hard enough. Do you honestly expect me to be able to do the damn things back up again?"

Liz was busy laughing at him getting more and more irate but she eventually came over and did it up for him. "This is an old bra of mine, so you can keep it." She went back into the wardrobe before coming out holding flesh coloured blobs of some description. "All right, these are silicone inserts, Arthur. These are your new best friends."

"What are they for?"

"These," she said, dangling them above her head, "Are your boobs."

Arthur stared before tutting. "Girls actually use those, huh? That's surely cheating. I'd feel ripped off and conned." He paused before deciding elaboration was needed. "Sort of like when you buy a packet of crisps, but when you open it it's only a quarter full or something. And then you're just filled with disappointment and feel hurt that you were lied to, because it wasn't full at all!" Damn he was good at analogies. No wonder he got that scholarship.

Liz ignored him and handed them over to Arthur, who couldn't help but squish them curiously. He suddenly looked up, smirking. "Hey, you have these… Does that mean you're cheating?" He pointedly looked at the other's chest and earned a smack and an unimpressed look, though she was blushing slightly.

"I- I was a late bloomer," she explained, not meeting his eyes. "Many people, including me, hah- actually thought I was a boy when I was younger so… yeah."

Arthur nodded, storing the information away in case it became useful at any point, before shoving the blobs into the bra and fiddling with them a bit until he could actually cup them. He began snickering and Liz rolled her eyes before throwing a uniform at him.

"You can use that from now on."

Arthur looked at it and shook his head. "I don't want to be more in debt to you. There's no way I can buy this from you."

"Don't worry about it. I have tons of white blouses and more uniforms than I really need. I'm not really sure why we bought them in bulk, but…" she didn't bother finishing. "Anyway, you're my new project! So keep it and try it on."

Arthur muttered something under his breath but turned around and put the blouse on.

"No need to be embarrassed," Liz laughed in the background, but Arthur replied with, "I'm merely being a gentleman and protecting your innocence or whatever. I don't have anything to be embarrassed about."

"Suuuuuuuuuuure."

He ignored it and tugged that stupid gypsy skirt off and shimmied into the red chequered pinafore that was the girls' World Academy uniform. He tugged at the skirt, trying to pull it down, but no luck. He turned around and looked at Liz before he sighed.

"I'm taller than you," he said blandly.

"Yeah, so?"

"So this is way too short." He gestured to where the pinafore just barely covered what really mattered and then twirled around so that the skirt bit deliberately spun outwards. All Liz could think was that there was a damn good reason that male characters weren't getting the panty shots in the manga she and her good friend Kiku liked to read. Because Arthur wasn't moe at all, especially with that scowl!

"Well it can't be helped. Just be careful with sudden movements and when you walk up the stairs, cover your bum with your bag."

"I'M NOT WEARING SOMETHING THIS BLOODY SHORT!"

"Just calm down," Liz said, waving her hand and sighing as if Arthur was a toddler that she had been forced into babysitting. "It doesn't look bad on you and you have really nice legs, so what's the problem?"

Arthur blushed and grumbled something along the lines of, 'I'm not a damn object for you to ogle, yanno'.

"Ah!" The brunette clapped her hands together happily, "I know! Zettai Ryouiki!"

"What?"

"Zettai Ryouiki to make this more kawaii~"

"Are you even speaking English?" Arthur asked incredulously, but he was left unanswered as Liz zoomed back into her wardrobe-room-thing and chucked some black socks at Arthur before looking at him eagerly. "Put them on put them on!" she all but squealed and the noise was so deafening that Arthur hastily tugged them on just to shut her up.

The things were looooong. They finished a couple of centimetres above the knee and he at least didn't feel quite as exposed, even if the socks did absolutely nothing to alter the short skirt predicament. Apparently this whole thing was pleasing to Liz, who had taken to speaking in a series of squeals and some language that didn't sound like English. He didn't know what an 'uke' was and he never wanted to find out.

Instead another wig was plopped on top of his head, this one not itching and the hair actually felt silky smooth. This was clearly the VIP of wigs or something. Naturally, as this had once been a Rapunzel wig, it fell down to his waist, but the ingenious solution Liz had come up with involved some red ribbon and tying his hair into goddammned pig-tails of all things.

When Arthur pointed out that he wasn't a toddler and refused to wear his hair in such a fashion, he was given a smug look and an, "Oh, I suppose you can style your own hair better, hm?" and was forced to concede defeat, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists as he did so.

Liz was sodding lucky that she was actually a girl.

"Just wait~" she said happily, "Tomorrow will be so much fun!"

"I very much doubt that."

It was official: this was going to be the most painful experience of his entire life.

x~x~x~x~x

**Zettai Ryouiki is the amount of skin showing between socks and skirt. The longer the socks and shorter the skirt, the better. It's a Japanese thing, look it up XD**

**Coming up next: Art is still attracting attention but for different reasons, wears short-shorts, and... gets a crush? Keep reviewing and you may get this chapter early, as usual :P**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	4. In Which Popularity Is Gained

**Gurd morning~ **

**So I just wanted to clarify something for all of those who were worrying: Ivan ****_will_**** be in this, but he won't be the love interest (I know, I'm just as devastated as you! ;A; But Lucy is an evil soul, plus I actually have quite a few RusEng stories planned so never fear, I will write them one day~) Ivan actually has a pretty big part in this story so look forward to his epic entrance!**

**Also y'all may have noticed the whole title change. Well that's because I really had no good ideas *cough*DudeLooksLikeALady*cough* but ****_Aphrodite931_**** basically pointed out that I can't title for shet (she said it nicely though :P) and her suggestion was much better, so that's what it is now. Anywho, on with the next chapter!**

**Note: Emma is Belgium and Sadiq is Turkey  
**

x~x~x~x~x

CHAPTER FOUR- In Which Inadvertent Popularity Is Gained 

Arthur tugged on the socks the next morning and sighed. Farley was watching him intently, seemingly spellbound with the transformation taking place in front of his eyes. Arthur scoffed and ignored his audience and instead went to the mirror and stared at the lip balm in his hand as if it were a deadly weapon.

"I can't believe I'm doing this…"

* * *

_ "Okay, we need to make your lips more kissable~" Liz hummed, fetching an entire vat of lip creams and glosses and Arthur suddenly realised that he had definitely not been the first 'project' for Liz. Though he was apparently the first male client who was cross-dressing._

_"No, we honestly don't," Arthur had responded monosyllabically but he was ignored and suddenly the brunette was in his personal space, tutting away as she ran a thumb over his lips. _

_"Dry and cracked," she assessed, "These need moisture for one thing! A girl would never let her lips get into this sort of state." She produced a lip balm that was infused with peach or something and Arthur shook his head._

_"I'm not doing this."_

_"Then I might accidentally let it slip that you're not exactly female and-"_

_"You are evil." Though Arthur looked at the lip balm and muttered, "You got strawberry? If I'm gonna do this then I may as well have a fruit I like…"_

* * *

As the substance touched his lips that morning Arthur felt some of his masculinity slip away. He would have cried, if he were the crying sort.

"Farley what have I done?" he asked darkly, looking at his lips before looking at the glitter gloss Liz had said he'd better be wearing 'or else'.

Bitch.

Psyching himself up he uncapped the top of the gloss and decided it was time for a pep-talk. "Okay Art, loads of guys wear stuff like this now. Like, guy-liner and man-scara and shit. So you can do this! It's just some glitter, it won't hurt you and- and… Ya know what? Being able to do this just proves how comfortable I am with my masculinity! Yeah! I'm not afraid or ashamed of embracing this because I know what I am and that's what really matters!"

The slightly manic laugh perhaps ruined the conviction but at least his lips now tasted of strawberry and looked shiny. He had firmly drawn the line at that though, refusing to partake in any other make-up routines Liz wanted to force onto him. He claimed that he would probably poke his eye out with a mascara brush and he had no clue what the fuck foundation was but he was determined to not find out.

There had been an eyebrow dispute, which consisted of Arthur being chased around the room by Liz who was brandishing a pair of tweezers, but he had had to issue a death threat to the girl because it was all fun and games until someone messed with his brows. Luckily she dropped the issue and simply played with the wig's fringe to cover the bulk of them up (not that Arthur saw _why_ he had to do such things, his eyebrows were perfectly lovely, but whatever).

He grabbed his glasses from the side before he took a deep breath and looked to Farley.

"Wish me luck, boy."

"Woof!"

x~x~x~x~x

Wide, staring eyes.

Murmurs under breath.

Not so inconspicuous pointing.

Arthur felt like he was experiencing a severe case of déjà-vu. Did he still look that hopeless? He thought he looked rather convincing that morning, but then why was he _still_ being stared at?!

"_Bonjour, mon cher_~" a voice purred into his ear and suddenly there was an arm around Alice's waist. Her eyes widened to see some frivolous frou-frou student smiling at her.

_Oh no…_

"E-Excuse me," Alice squeaked, escaping the hold and suddenly much more aware that the whispers seemed to be holding more of a positive note and that a lot of people had their gazes angled lower at his legs.

_What has Liz done?!_ Arthur thought, suddenly fearing for his life and then that long-haired blonde was advancing and if Arthur was his normal self then he'd have punched the git but he couldn't do that as Alice lest he get sent to the headmaster or something, and then he'd be exposed and expelled and this whole thing would have been a colossal waste of time.

"Don't be shy," the frog said comfortingly, approaching slowly and Alice honestly had no idea how to deal with this situation.

"Hey Franny, whatcha doing?" someone called, and suddenly a pale white arm was slung carelessly over the blonde's shoulders, stealing his attention away.

"I was welcoming this _belle_ woman to our school," 'Franny' explained, and suddenly blood red eyes were on Alice and soon the look was accompanied by a grin.

"_Hallo, Fraulein_," the new guy said. "Ignore Franny here, _ja_? The name's Gilbert and I am the most awesome student in this whole school!"

"Uh, hi," Alice managed, trying to assess the escape routes open to her. Thankfully someone swooped in to save her.

"Alice, there you are!" Liz said happily, bursting onto the scene and shooting the two males a warning look, though it was more geared towards Gilbert than Franny. "You're not scaring this poor girl, are you?"

"_Nein_," Gil pouted. "Well, maybe Franny was, but I was being my usual awesome self!"

Liz raised an eyebrow but seemingly dropped the line of questioning and instead hugged Alice. "Aw, you look so cute today~" she said before bringing her voice down to a conspiratorial whisper, "Well played Arthur."

"You are enjoying this way too much you sadist," Arthur hissed back, but Liz merely laughed and began to drag her new 'friend' (the word 'friend' could easily be replaced with 'torture victim') off down the corridor, much to the distress of the French student.

"Who the hell were they?"

"Francis Bonnefoy, a serial womaniser and, well, maniser I guess. He's not really picky about gender as long as they're aesthetically pleasing. He's harmless for the most part though."

"Sounds like a right prick," he muttered, and Liz didn't really disagree.

"The other was Gilbert Beilschmidt." The name was said in more of a dark tone and Arthur quirked an eyebrow. "He's a pain in the ass," Liz sighed by way of explanation. "He's a troublemaker and annoying. So feel free to hit him if you want."

"Uh, okay."

As the two girls continued on their way the ear-splitting screeching from the previous morning replicated itself and soon that Jones guy was strolling down the corridor looking for all the world as if he owned the place, the blonde girl from yesterday hanging off of his arm.

"So I'm gonna have to ask," Arthur said flatly, "But who's the poser?"

Liz looked up, apparently only just noticing the other's presence. She was probably so used to the squealing that she had tuned it out by this point. "Oh, that's the Academy's 'pride and joy'," she said a little sarcastically. "He's called Alfred and he's the captain of pretty much every sports team you can imagine. He's also the most popular guy here."

"And he also has the amazing power to make the female population develop aneurysms when in his presence," the Brit observed.

Liz giggled. "Yeah, they go a little crazy."

"But you don't," Arthur said, "Why is that?"

The girl was suddenly a very uncharacteristic shade of pink. "N-No reason."

Arthur wasn't exactly an idiot so he leant in, grinning. "Aw, has little Lizzy got a crush on someone?"

"Shut up!" she said, smacking him and she had a pretty powerful hit so Alice just pouted but didn't press matters as she rubbed her sore arm.

"So I'm guessing the bimbo on his arm is his girlfriend?" Arthur asked instead.

"Sort of. That's Emma and the two have been dating on and off for forever. I guess it makes sense: he's the captain of everything and she's the head-cheerleader. It's expected. And so is the drama."

"Huh," was all Arthur had to say on the matter seeing as he was promptly distracted by a loud wolf-whistle in his direction.

"Look at you, you're a hit," Liz said proudly, "You're welcome."

"I preferred it when I wasn't being looked at like a piece of meat."

"Well at least they're not looking at you as though you belong in the circus."

"Oi!"

"Just saying," Liz said, holding her hands up with a giggle. "Not all of the male students here are jerks, by the way."

"That's not the issue!" Arthur said a little too loudly but he coughed in his hand and played the whole thing down as he instead angrily whispered, "Why would I want that sort of attention from other guys?"

Seemingly the master of having selective hearing, Liz carried on as usual and the two headed into their homeroom a little early.

"We have PE today, so you didn't forget your kit, right?" she asked.

"You didn't give me one, so it's not like I had a kit to forget in the first place."

"Lost and Found usually have loads of sports stuff, so you should be fine."

Arthur nodded absently, sitting on the desk but suddenly he grinned. "Wait… PE?"

"Yeah… what's that look for?"

"So we'll need to get changed, right?"

"Yes but- oh no."

"Oh _yes_," Arthur said happily, bringing his hands up behind his head and suddenly feeling rather triumphant. "This whole 'being a girl' gig is finally bearing fruit."

x~x~x~x~x

"Why the _hell _do I have to get changed in the bloody bathroom?!" Arthur yelled angrily from inside the stall where he was savagely yanking on the kit Liz had retrieved from Lost and Found.

"Because you'll obviously be found out if you got dressed in the girls' changing rooms and because it is my duty to protect the poor unsuspecting female students of this school from you," Liz said simply, leaning against the door having already changed.

"And what the fuck do you think I'm gonna do? I'm not a monster!"

"It's the basic principle of the thing."

"When I have to walk around in a bloody mini-skirt thing and have to deal with random idiots leering at me, not to mention that I was very nearly molested by that fucking frog earlier, you would _still_ deny me boobs?" Arthur sounded genuinely wounded.

"Yes."

"YOU HAVE NO HUMANITY, WOMAN! If I'm going to be a girl it should be my basic _human right_ to be able to get changed with other girls!"

"Quite your whining and change already!"

"I'm doing it already! Christ, why am I even going along with you?! You're a devil woman!"

"I'm an angel," the brunette said primly. "I am protecting innocent girls from your ogling."

"Pfft. I'll have you know that I appreciate the female form."

"I'm sure you do, and I'm sure you appreciate two specific parts more than the rest."

"Hehe…"

Liz sighed. "Come on, are you done yet?"

"I'm not as bad as that perverted frog I saw earlier," Arthur grumbled as his last complaint but then his voice took on a more unsure note. "Yeah, these shorts? Not gonna work."

"Why not?"

"They are way too short and way too tight. I'm not going out wearing these. I look like I'm about to perform in _Extremely_ _Gay: The Musical With Extra Sparkles _or something."

"I'm sure they're not _that_ bad. C'mon, lemme see."

"Oh trust me they are. Plus they do nothing to hide the fact that I'm not a damn girl! So could you go and get some trackie bottoms or bigger shorts?"

"I will if you let me see."

Some grumbling later and the stall door was hesitantly unlocked and there stood Arthur in all of his short-shorts glory.

"I really am jealous of your legs," Liz said after some consideration, looking at said pins enviously before being shot an angry scowl from the other. She then decided to pay attention to the actual shorts themselves and her eyes widened and her cheeks dusted a little pink. "Ah. I… see what you mean about the obviously not a girl thing…" she said awkwardly.

Arthur crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. "So are you going to get me some bigger pants or wh- STOP STARING!"

"Huh? Wha?! Oh," Liz said articulately, coughing into her hand and coming back to reality. "Sorry I just sort of assumed that with you being on the more small and slender side of things for a guy that, well, _that_ would be small as well…"

"Would you stop assuming shit?" Arthur said irritably, though he saw the implications of that sentence. That was a shrouded compliment and he knew it, so he puffed his chest up a little proudly before he realised that he still had silicon lumps there and probably looked horribly awkward at the moment. "First you assume I'm gay, then you assume that I actually _like_ cross-dressing, and now you assume that I'm _inadequate_ where it matters? Check your facts before you make up bullshit."

"Hey, I've always thought that skill was more important than size anyway, so even if you were it's not a bad thing!"

"…Are we seriously having a conversation about my cock at this moment in time?" Arthur asked, raising an eyebrow before bursting into laughter. "Wow, this has escalated quickly."

Liz began laughing as well because, really, this was something she could have never seen herself discussing, in the girls bathroom no less. "All right, I'll go and search for some looser shorts. And don't you dare go near the girls' change room, because if I find out you'll regret it!"

Arthur, wisely, stayed where he was.

Some much looser but still quite short shorts later found Alice and Liz making their way out onto the expansive grounds. He glanced around, noticing that some of the clearly sports-oriented students had already begun, some of them commandeering the tennis courts while others were warming up on the track. His eyes may or may not have lingered on the cheerleaders while they stretched, though he did feel that Liz smacking him upside the head was uncalled for.

"So what exactly do we do?" he asked.

"If you're not on a team then you do a bit of everything. What you do varies from month to month, sort of like a rota system. I'm on the girls' Basketball team though, so…" she bit her lip and looked at Arthur worriedly.

"You don't need to always look out for me. I'm sure I'll be fine. Besides it's not really fair for me to try out for a team. I'm probably faster than the girls here."

Liz sent him an affronted look and he held his hands up in surrender. "Not because girls are weak or anything!" he quickly backtracked, wanting to avoid getting hit again. "I, uh, get into fights a lot. Speed is sort of my thing. And back in the UK I played Football a lot and was also on the Athletics Squad. I usually did sprinting and middle-distance, but lately I've been focusing on building stamina with more long-distance runs. I tend to take Farley with me and we just run around the blocks for a bit. So what I said, I mean, I could probably beat the majority of the boys as well."

Thankfully Liz was appeased and Arthur was spared the pain. "Okay, well, I'd better be getting to my team. Just join in wherever you want, I'm sure people won't mind. I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Sure," Arthur said coolly, offering a little wave as Liz ran off to go and join the rest of her teammates. "So now what?" he asked himself, looking around before deciding he may as well just sit on the bleachers and relax. Some other students, the ones who had their heads in a book or looked very studious, were currently pulling this trick. And Alice had glasses on, thus making her a nerd who couldn't do sports, so it was all good to skip out.

He had only been sat down for about two minutes before someone moved to sit next to him. Alice looked up and saw the swish of blonde hair and a cheeky smile.

"_Bonjour_ again, _ma ange_," was spoken in a silky French accent that made Arthur want to throw up.

"You again," Alice said, wanting it to sound disapproving but Arthur couldn't really manage a disapproving tone when he was too busy focusing on keeping his voice high. "You aren't doing a sport?"

"Ah, _non_. I'm not fond of things that cause me to sweat," he sighed dramatically, before sending a predatory glance over to Alice. "Well, there is one thing in particular where that isn't true."

_This can't be happening!_ "O-oh really?" she asked, playing dumb and averting her gaze, thus missing the eager way Francis nodded his head. However he suddenly had a rather good view of a cute blonde girl walking towards the back of the bleachers. He watched her for a moment, the graceful way she moved, but he also noticed the way she appeared to be looking around her nervously before she finally disappeared. Something suddenly didn't sit right with him, but he ignored it in favour of scooting across to try and widen the space between himself and the frog.

"So does the beautiful woman have a boyfriend?" Francis asked.

_Wow, do girls fall for this shite? Well, he clearly feels confident in what he's doing…_ "No," she said resolutely, which caused Francis to smile wider.

"That is unacceptable! You deserve to be spoilt, _ma chère_."

"Ah, well, I'm not exactly," he tried again, looking away once more and this time he caught sight of a tall, very muscular teen heading in the same direction as the girl from before had been heading in. And he didn't look impressed. In fact he was quite intimidating, and other students moved out of his way if they were too close to him and then quickly got on with their business. Arthur _really_ didn't have a good feeling now.

"Not exactly what?" Francis asked, smiling calmly but Arthur was already standing up.

"I don't do boyfriends," Alice said quickly before she practically flew down the various levels and jumped the last few of them, ignoring the way Francis called after her. All she knew was that she _needed _to get behind the bleachers _this very instant_.

Alice arrived just in time to see the girl looking up at the much taller male with wide, fearful eyes. The second she saw the guy raise a hand the girl flinched and Arthur was there in an instant, quickly wedging himself between the two and outstretching his arms to protect the girl.

"The hell?" the guy asked angrily before looking rather taken aback that it was a girl who had stopped him.

"Back off," Alice said, eyes narrowed dangerously. "Leave her alone."

When the tall student didn't move Arthur got into a better position to strike should this come to blows, eyes calculating and evaluating. He was taller by quite a large margin, though that had never been a problem before. His dark brown eyes looked uncompromising. His weight was shifted forward, making any likely attack either a hook or possibly a kick if he was feeling adventurous so early on. Arthur knew that he really shouldn't be doing this, and if he ended up in a fight then it would likely end up with him being discovered. But he wasn't about to let the girl get hurt.

"Please Sadiq," he heard a quiet voice say from behind him, and Arthur realised that was probably the blonde girl.

'Sadiq' grit his teeth but he backed off slowly. "You don't know anything, _orospu_," he growled, and Arthur inferred that he had just been called something horribly offensive, but he didn't care. The male retreated and Alice quickly spun around.

"Are you okay?" she asked, and her breath escaped her when big aqua eyes looked up at her. God, this girl really was much cuter up close…

"Thank you," she said quietly, but she smiled and Arthur's heart did some funny manoeuvre in his chest. He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

"It's no big deal really."

"You're so cool," the girl said, suddenly grabbing her saviour's hands and looking so joyous that Arthur stood there, dumbstruck. He'd never been on the receiving end of such unadulterated affection before. "I'm Lili."

"Alice."

"That's a lovely name," she complimented before she stepped back a bit, fiddling with the purple ribbon in her hair. "Thank you again… I deserved it though."

Alice's mouth dropped open at that. "I doubt that. If he ever gives you trouble then you come and find me, all right?"

Lili hesitated, as if trying to ascertain how best to say something, but in the end she nodded and suddenly darted forward to wrap her arms around the other. "You're so fearless… you're amazing…"

"Uhfluh," Alice said intelligently, heart beating a little faster than it should be. _Oh man, this won't end well_, she thought. "L-Let's go back out there, all right? We can sit on the bleachers if you want?"

"Okay," Lili said against Alice's chest, pulling away and waiting for the other before they both walked back and sat down. Francis, Arthur noted with immense relief, had disappeared. However before Alice or Lili could say anything a bellowing voice rapidly approached them.

"LILI!" someone yelled and suddenly an out of breath and downright _angry_ looking blonde stood in front of them, looking at the other worriedly. He actually looked very similar to Lili, Alice noted, and that all made sense when Lili bowed her head and said, "Brother."

"I was worried! I lost sight of you! What happened? Are you hurt?" he asked quickly before looking over to Alice and narrowing his eyes. "Who's this?"

"Oh, this is Alice," Lili said happily. "Just now she helped me out with Sadiq and-"

"Sadiq? Tch, that bastard," the brother growled. "Did he hurt you? I'll kill him if he did!"

"No, he wouldn't do that… but Alice stepped in anyway."

The brother looked surprised upon hearing that, but he turned back to Alice and nodded. "Really? Well, thank you for looking out for my sister. I'm Vash."

"Alice, and it was no trouble," Alice said honestly.

"Well, we'd better get going. Come on, Lili."

Lili hesitated, looking at Alice before moving away. "Can I see you again sometime?" she asked shyly, before she bit her lip as though she had asked something awful. "Uh, sorry. I don't want to be a bother so-"

"You won't be," Alice said quickly. "I'd like that. I'm new, so it would be nice to get to know others."

Lili look overjoyed at that and she happily re-joined her brother, waving as they began to walk across the campus.

x~x~x~x~x

Word travels about as fast as a hummingbird on crack around highschool. Which was damn fast.

By the end of PE Liz had come rushing up to Alice while asking babbled questions along the lines of, 'Is it true?!'

"What are you talking about? Calm down," Arthur said, pushing the over-zealous brunette away.

"Is it true that you saved Lili Zwingli from certain death at the hands of Sadiq Adnan?!"

"Well the 'certain death' part is an exaggeration, but yeah, I guess so."

"What were you thinking?! You could have given yourself away! But that's also so amazing; everyone's scared of Sadiq! And Lili is so nice so she wouldn't have been able to do anything and-"

"Yeah yeah, I'm amazing," Arthur brushed off the praise and carried on with, "So Lili… she's sort of cute."

"Yes she- wait. Arthur, no. Bad Arthur." Liz tapped him on his nose.

"Oi, I'm not a dog! And what?"

"You like her, don't you?"

"Well she's nice, why wouldn't I?"

"I don't mean like that."

Arthur looked away. "Well I dunno. I don't really know her, but I'd like to."

Liz looked at him sadly. "You can't do that though."

"Why not?"

"Because you're meant to be a girl. Plus Vash is extremely overprotective of her."

Arthur sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I got that. Look I'm not planning on doing anything, but that's not going to stop me from hanging out with her if that's what she wants."

"Well be careful," Liz warned.

The rather sober moment was broken when a loud voice entered the equation.

"You're Alice, right?"

Alice looked up into the shining blue eyes of the school's very own Golden Boy. Bloody hell she'd need to start carrying sunglasses if this guy planned on being so stupidly blinding all of the time. She nodded and he carried on.

"I heard about what you did and I want you to know that's really brave and cool!" He stepped closer and grinned at her, "Usually I'm the hero, but it's good to know there are others who will defend honour and justice as well!"

What the hell was he babbling on about?

"Just be careful, okay? It would suck if you got hurt." He thought about _something_ for a moment before he grinned. "From now on you can be my back-up, and I'll be yours. So don't worry Alice, you are now under hero protection!" And then, with a wink, he was off.

Arthur would have pointed out that the job of a hero should be to protect everyone, so what the bloody hell was the point of 'hero protection' for specific people, but he was left rather confused by what had just happened.

"What the fuck was that?" he asked Liz dazedly.

"I think he likes you; he never offers to be anyone's back-up," Liz replied before she giggled. "He's always like that. High energy and optimistic."

"Too bad I'm a pessimist," Arthur mumbled.

x~x~x~x~x

**Okay! We finally got to meet some more characters~**

**I think I should have a _USUK cock-block counter_ or something... I'd say it currently reads over 9000. Oh well, it will happen. Eventually XD**

**Next time: Alfred has a 'proposition' for Alice! And Emma is most unimpressed that her boyfriend is showing so much interest in another girl...**

**Until next time y'all~**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	5. In Which A Nonsensical Club Is Formed

**Hi everyone! School has started again so expect slightly slower updates, at least until I've got my University applications finished and submitted. And I'd better mention this early on while Al and Art are nowhere close to being together so you've had fair warning: this is USUKUS. I know some people are really precious about ukes and semes but I like to think I've gotten out of that mentality after a while of being a BL fan and it seems to me that Al and Art would switch it around and stuff depending on the situation and all that. So if our cocky little Arthur has seme-ish thoughts or whatever don't be surprised: he will not be blushing and submitting all over the place ;)**

**Also, some of you requested longer chapters, so this one is longer. But let me know what sort of length you prefer (not that I can always stick to limits, but I'll try!)**

x~x~x~x~x

CHAPTER FIVE- In Which A Nonsensical Club Is Formed 

"Oi, have you heard of this new thing? It's called 'work'," Arthur bitched from where he was leant against the counter and glaring at Rome who had just been staring out of the window for ten minutes and being about as productive as a rock.

His response was a sigh that was secretly code for _'I am an attention whore so ask me what's wrong'_. Well Arthur wasn't having any of his boss's antics; he already had enough on his plate trying to juggle homework, successfully pull off looking like a girl, and just generally trying to stay alive seeing as Liz seemed determined to kill him.

**_Here Lies Arthur Kirkland_**_: Died in a vat of perfume after being tweezered within an inch of his life, had his sight stolen away by a wayward eyeliner pencil, and was nearly strangled by a bra. Truly a man among men._

"Well when you've finally broken Medusa's spell and feel like moving once again, come find me in the back. Where I'll be counting stock. You know: _useful_ things," Arthur scoffed as he pushed off from the counter to begin the exhilarating task of counting vases.

"That's _Greek_ mythology," Rome finally said, sounding mildly offended, and Arthur simply smirked at his mini triumph of getting the brunette to talk. "I just thought you'd tell me how my grandsons are doing," the old man mumbled, resembling a pouting toddler.

"Eh? Oh, yeah, I haven't seen them," Arthur said, looking over some of the shelves.

"But why not? You could give me regular updates!"

"Okay, that's border-line stalkerish. And because I have my own mates at school," Arthur lied. He didn't really have anyone he'd consider a mate. Liz was there to end his life prematurely via inflicting unnecessary stress and Francis belonged on a bloody register with the way he acted. The only decent person he'd talked to was Lili, and her brother was some sort of militant psycho who had successfully prevented any interaction with his sister since the other day.

"If all three of you became friends then you could walk back to the store after school and hang out~" Rome hummed happily, ignoring the way Arthur muttered, 'That will _never_ happen'. How could it? He already had to find time to transform back into Arthur after school before he came here. And, now Arthur was just speculating here, but the twins would _probably_ suspect something was up when they started walking to their grandfather's shop with Alice and ended the trip with Arthur after Alice had dived behind a conveniently placed hedge to change.

Before Rome could become even more insufferable the bell tinkled and in stepped a customer, thankfully sparing Arthur from any serious questioning. He could always ask Liz to point out who Bolognese and Oregano were some other time.

x~x~x~x~x

"Uh, hey Alice!"

Alice looked up from where she was heading to her next class and raised an eyebrow. Did she know this guy? No, definitely not. He looked nervous as well. Wringing his hands and scratching the back of his neck but he had a look in his eyes that_—_ Oh shit wait, he wasn't going to_—_

"I was wondering if you wanted to hang sometime?" he asked, scratching the back of his head nervously. "Like, catch a movie or something?"

Yup, he was going to.

_Another fucking one?! Are you joking?! I HAVE A DICK FOR GOD'S SAKE NO I WILL NEVER 'HANG' WITH YOU AND YOU DON'T MEAN 'HANG' ANYWAY BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN LOOKING AT MY BLOODY FACE WHILE YOU'VE BEEN TALKING TO ME YOU'D BETTER MOVE YOUR EYES UP RIGHT NOW OR I WILL KICK YOUR SORRY ARSE ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE DARK AGES AND-_

"O-Oh, thank you for the offer," Alice said quietly, doing her best to smile sweetly despite the eye-twitch and the urge to unleash hell. "But I'm super busy, so I can't…"

She didn't give the lad a chance to try and persuade her otherwise as she quickly scurried away to her next class.

Okay, that was becoming more and more frequent and Arthur had only been attending here just over a week. Though ever since Alice's heroics she had become somewhat of a household name and when you combine that with the weird girly voodoo Liz had inflicted on him, suddenly guys were actually interested.

He headed into English and saw Liz waving him over. He sighed, thinking that he must be a masochist to keep returning to her. He could hear the sound of a whip somewhere in the background and he grimaced. He began to head over before there was a tug on the back of his skirt. Alice immediately whirled around, convinced that it was some male trying to do inappropriate things (because guys are only after one thing at this age- she would know) but any anger soon gave way to a warm feeling as Lili gazed up at her.

"Would you like to sit here?" she asked sweetly, and who was Alice to say no? And so, sticking his tongue out at Liz, Arthur plopped down happily next to the shorter blonde and smiled.

"I didn't realise you were in this class," he said, careful to keep the 'Alice' register going, pulling out his books and that one pen he wrestled from that one bastard that time.

"Oh, well I don't usually say much. I'm not really the best at English…"

"It's not about being the best," he said comfortingly, placing a reassuring hand on Lili's shoulder.

"All right class, simmer down! I expect all of your grades to be the best this year," the teacher said, entering behind a mountain of sheets and textbooks.

"Uh… or not," Alice said lamely, causing the other to giggle.

Arthur grinned and ignored the scrunched up piece of paper that was chucked at his head from behind. He glanced back and found Liz looking at him disapprovingly as she mouthed '_behave yourself_'.

Arthur looked up at her from under his eyelashes, glossed lips (god he hated that fact- but the strawberry was tasty, he couldn't deny that) forming an adorable pout and sending Liz a look that positively screamed innocence. In fact she seemed rather taken aback at that and even blushed a little, to which Arthur smirked and flipped a backwards 'V' (it wasn't offensive here anyway, so it was legit) before returning his attention to the much cuter, sweeter female sat next to him that didn't try to force him to wear thongs at random intervals during the day.

During the course of the lesson Arthur was probably assaulted with an entire forest's worth of paper and even had a notebook chucked at his head at one point. Lili looked confused and mildly worried, but Alice explained that it was an inside joke that she had with Liz (he defended her like that because she kept a frying pan in her locker and kindly demonstrated why it was there when that albino guy happened to pass by).

Arthur had no idea what the hell the teacher was smoking to miss such blatant aggression in their classroom but he had long since given up hope of any intervention and so withstood the attack.

Aside from the higher potential to gain a paper-cut, the lesson was rather enjoyable. He and Lili whispered about random things over the course of the lesson, ranging from school activities to personal hobbies. He found out that she had a weakness for One Direction, which was totally crazy because Alice did too and they spent a while fangirling over the various members (Arthur fucking hated One Direction and had no idea who he was saying was 'super hot' but Lili seemed happy so what the heck) and really liked baking cakes and other sweet goods. Alice mentioned that she'd love to try it sometime and Lili smiled and agreed, saying she would like her opinion.

In fact the whole lesson was basically a crash course in _'Lili 101'_ and by the time the bell went Arthur had no idea what the hell he was meant to have learnt English wise, but that didn't matter. He was fluent in English anyway. The Brit was about to invite Lili to sit with himself and Liz at lunch, but a screech that could shatter a window sort of derailed that train of thought and all of a sudden there was a gaggle of girls crowding the front of the classroom as if a rock star was there.

It wasn't a rock star. It was a 'hero'. The one and only Alvin.

"I wonder what Alfred is doing here," Lili asked curiously.

…

The one and only Alfred.

"No clue," Alice sighed, rubbing her temples. If he made it through the year without going deaf he'd regard that as a result.

Golden Boy looked around the classroom, sending a charming smile to the female members who were trying to tear his clothing off, and suddenly grinned wide when he apparently found what he was looking for. He strode purposefully into the room and Alice was so busy shoving books back into her bag that she failed to notice the big hunk of overly-optimistic jock approach and invade her personal space until it was too late.

Arthur glanced up expecting to see Lili and instead Golden Boy was all up in his face. Startled (and bloody blinded Jesus did the guy have LEDs on his clothes or something?!) he stumbled back and probably would have landed on his arse in the process (thus exposing most of it as well because this uniform was stupidly short dammit Liz!) had Golden Boy not proved he had quick reflexes and grabbed his wrist, pulling him in.

"Woops," he laughed, "Don't worry, I gotcha."

"Ehhhhh? Why is Al hugging her?!"  
"OMG are they going out?"  
"No he's dating Emma, remember?"  
"I wanna be hugged by him too!"  
"Hey! Hey Al~ Hug me!"

_Do they ever shut up?_ Arthur wondered, pushing out of the other's hold and straightening out his uniform primly. "Cheers."

"Don't mention it!" Alfred grinned, grabbing Alice's wrist again.

"What are you doing?"

"I need to talk to you in private, 'kay?"

Alfred never waited to see if it was ''kay' and instead just dragged Alice off, leaving Lili to stare at the two curiously and Alice to glare daggers at the other's back because she had just been cock blocked! Or vagina blocked. Whatever.

Jones manoeuvred his way through various students and seemed to be oblivious to the conspiratorial murmurs following right behind them. He found an empty classroom and steered them into it before closing the door.

Alice looked around at the empty desks and chairs idly before her attention was on Jones. "So?" she asked, wanting to sound demanding but it sounded anything but.

"Okay, so hear me out on this!" Jones said, grinning. "I gave this some thought and I kinda figured that since you have the same ideas then we may as well try, yeah? We need two other people but that shouldn't be a problem if we put up flyers or something and I really think it would work so-"

"Woah, wait a minute! What are you talking about?"

"Our club! _The World Academy Heroes_!"

…Right. So clearly the poor dear was an idiot. Small words needed to be used.

"What?"

Alfred sat on one of the desks and back-tracked a little. "Ever since I came to WA I always wanted to start a club where the members helped other students with problems, like heroes do! I tried once, but people didn't join for heroic purposes," he said a little awkwardly.

_Well, not if you count getting into your pants as a heroic purpose_, Arthur mused, because that was most likely what had happened.

"But then when you saved Lili I realised that you would be perfect for WA Heroes. So how about it, wanna join?"

Was this guy serious? He pulled him away from Lili so he could try and coerce him into joining a tragic high school Avengers?

Short of telling the guy to just 'fuck off' Alice instead understood the value of manners (much to Arthur's chagrin, he was beginning to intensely dislike the 'Alice' persona) and so fiddled with a strand of the wig's hair and bit her bottom lip as if trying to look as if she was genuinely considering it.

(God _damn_ his lips tasted good. Did Lili wear fruity lip-gloss too? Not really the time to think about that but still).

"I'm so sorry," she practically whispered eventually, hanging her head. "I just… because I'm new here, I just want to focus on my studies for a while."

_That's it, Art, play the damsel. This guy's a self-proclaimed hero; he'll feel awful forcing you to join! So just act tragic and he will apologise and go away and then we can move on with life._

Alice kept her gaze on the floor but heard the American take a sharp intake of breath before hearing footsteps. Good, he was walking out of the-

"Oh hey, wait, don't cry or anything!" he said frantically, and suddenly strong arms were wrapped around her (bloody hell why was he so good at acting this wasn't the sodding plan!) and the babbling continued, "I just thought, yanno, that maybe you'd want to! Because you seem cool, so I thought we could be friends or something, and I've wanted to do the club since forever, but I shouldn't have- I mean it's sort of like- oh my god sorry!" He leapt away as if Alice was suddenly comprised of flame, eyes wide. "Uh, sorry," he mumbled, looking out of the window, at the wall, suddenly finding the model skeleton at the front of the classroom the most interesting thing in the entire world.

Arthur could only watch the odd display in utter confusion. Was Jones bi-polar? Because for someone who appeared to be so charming all of the time he was acting like a right wimp now. The thought of the Discovery Channel came to mind, with some reporter half-whispering-half-documenting the poor little fluffy defenceless creature. Alfred being the poor little fluffy defenceless creature in this analogy. The guy just didn't seem to know what to do with himself and Arthur was certain that had he not grown used to Farley's little trick of looking a little pathetic to get what he wanted, then he would have probably said something reassuring.

As it was he felt like telling the guy to grow a pair and go and annoy someone who was actually interested, which perhaps seemed a little heartless, but you have to consider this from his perspective: Lili was probably being guarded by her bulldog of a brother right now, thus preventing him from speaking to her again that day.

"Uhm… I'll just be going then," Alice said eventually, beginning to make her way towards the door but was stopped when her wrist was caught hold of once more (Alfred really didn't understand the concept of 'personal space', did he?)

"Could you please just consider it?" he asked, and damn if this guy hadn't perfected the puppy-dog look. There was some sort of stare-down between the two of them, and it vaguely registered in the back of the Brit's mind that if this _were_ indeed an Indie film then there would probably be some meaningful music playing in the background and _feelings_ or some shit would be communicated through their gazes. He would have begun laughing at that thought had a very unimpressed voice not cut in with a simple:

"Ahem."

Golden Boy's bimbo- Arthur couldn't really recall the name at the moment- stood in the doorways with a hand on her hip and her perfectly plucked eyebrows raised. Alice felt Alfred's grip on his wrist tense slightly before she was released once more and Alfred at least had the decency to look a little sheepish. The girl looked as though she was about to unleash hell and Alice supposed that maybe the situation could be misconstrued, but it wasn't as if they were in a seriously compromising position. Maybe the girlfriend had a right to look at least a little put out, but her body language and annoyed glare made it seem as though she had just walked in on the two of them fucking on the desk or something.

"Am I interrupting something?" she asked tightly.

"Not at all babe," Alfred instantly replied, his cool smile back in place and the missing charm had returned with a vengeance as it practically dripped off of him. He walked over to cheerleader girl and put an arm around her waist in a peace gesture. "How did you find me Emma?" he asked in a smooth voice, no stuttering this time.

Yeah, this boy was _definitely_ bi-polar.

"When you hear rumours that your boyfriend has run off into a classroom with the new girl it's only natural to want answers," Emma replied a little defensively, though she simpered under the attention and shot Alice a little smirk as if Alice was actually bothered. And then, to add insult to the non-existent injury she wrapped her arms around her boyfriend's neck and kissed him as if they were in one of those sickeningly expensive Hollywood films that took the concept of 'cheesiness' to astronomical proportions.

Bored, and really not interested in two popular students snogging (they were doing it wrong anyway, Emma's technique was bloody awful but whatever), Alice awkwardly squeezed her way around the couple in the doorway and made her escape into the corridor.

"There you are!" Liz said, materialising from nowhere. Arthur quickly checked his body for some sort of tracking chip because it was becoming unnerving how she just popped up like that. "What did Alfred want?"

"Some hero club thing, hell if I know," he grunted in response, jerking his thumb back towards the classroom. "Ask him yourself if you want. He's with that Emma person who, by the way, as some serious jealousy issues."

"No it's fine. Shall we go and get lunch?" she asked.

Arthur nodded and the two began to set off, though a shiver ran down his spine. It suddenly felt as if he was being watched intently, so he quickly looked around all of the corridor but none of the students there appeared to be glaring at him or anything. Strange…

Liz had taken it upon herself to lecture Arthur on the 'Lili issue' and so he tuned out. That was, until he heard Golden Boy shouting, "Hey Alice, wait up!"

The two of them stopped and turned around to see Alfred and Emma, hand in hand, walking towards them. "I was serious about the club. Think it over and then tell me what you think, okay?" he asked.

"Oh no need," Liz said before Alice could respond, "She'll do it. So will I~"

Alfred blinked before he grinned wide. "Seriously? Sweet! Now we just need one more member! Okay leave it with me. I'll be in touch with you two later."

"Don't you have practice now, sweetie?" Emma asked, glancing up at her boyfriend who's eyes widened before he muttered a 'Crap gotta go,' and pecked her cheek before running off. The head cheerleader hung back, completely ignoring Liz's presence as her olive coloured eyes zeroed in on Alice.

"You'd better watch it," she said, "He's my boyfriend and you'd do well to remember that." And with those (really not at all) threatening words hanging in the air, she stalked off down the corridor. Did she honestly think she was intimidating? Arthur had fought (and won) fights against blokes that looked like bloody buildings, so a stick with a (quite nice admittedly) pair of tits was not going to faze him.

"Isn't she delightful?" Arthur asked sarcastically before turning on Liz, "So do you mind explaining why you signed us up for Club Stupid?"

Liz snapped out of where she had been glaring after Emma's retreating form. "To piss her off," she said simply. "Didn't you see the look on her face when I said we'd join? It was a lovely picture indeed."

"I'm sensing a lot of animosity here," Arthur said as he leant against a wall. "Care to share?"

"We used to be best friends," she sighed, "But then one day… I don't even know what happened. She morphed into _that_," she gestured after where Emma had gone, "And turned into the Wicked Bitch Of The West. She even insulted me for a few months. So this is my little way of getting back at her." She then smiled, "Plus it does sound kind of fun, so we may as well give it a try!"

"But Golden Boy… you didn't seem fond of him either."

"Ah he's not so bad. He could be a lot worse. He's sort of a jerk around the other jocks and I think he's prone to arrogance, but he can be really nice with the right people. So he shouldn't be too much of a problem."

"You seem to know a lot about everyone here."

"It never hurts to be observant," she said with a wink before linking their arms, "Anyway I'm starving so let's go get some food~"

x~x~x~x~x

Arthur looked down at the flyer in his hand and sighed. "This is a very bad idea."

"It won't be that bad," Liz hummed, holding her own flyer.

"Have you _seen_ this thing?" Arthur asked, holding up the piece of paper that had Captain America crudely drawn on it with a speech bubble that read, _'Calling all Hero Club members: First epic meeting in classroom W8 at lunch!' _"We're dealing with a sometimes-charming-sometimes-stuttering-can-be-a-t otal-wanker-but-can-also-be-a-bit-nice-and-is-secr etly-a-toddler here."

Liz stopped before laughing. "You put way too much thought into that."

"I just don't see why I have to do this stupid club just because I saved Lili. Who, by the way, I haven't been able to talk to lately because of her bloody brother! I was going to ask her to join but I know her brother will say no to that. Berk."

"Quit whining," the brunette said and nodded when they saw the door to W8. "Okay, here we are." She opened the door and Alfred was already inside, practically shaking with excitement as he rushed to the door to greet the two members.

"Welcome fellow heroes!"

_"Fucking seriously?!"_ Arthur hissed under his breath, prompting Liz to elbow his side roughly while she smiled and said hello on behalf of the both of them.

"Take a seat," he invited, gesturing to where he had pushed some desks together and placed four seats around them so that everyone could see each other. Liz nodded and made her way over to a chair while Alice hung back and wondered if she could run for it now.

"Hi Alice," Alfred grinned at her, "Glad you could come."

"Yeah. Same," she lied as she sighed and went into the classroom and plopped down on one of the chairs next to Liz which prompted Alfred to immediately take the seat next to Alice and opposite from Liz, still grinning. _He is far too happy_.

"So who's the fourth member?" Elizaveta enquired, making a point of looking at the empty chair.

"Oh it's—"

"Behold bitches! The most awesome club member has arrived! Feel free to bow before me!" an obnoxious voice rang out as the albino from the other day burst in through the door and made a beeline for the table and sat next to Liz, who suddenly looked very sour indeed.

"What is _that _doing here?" she asked through clenched teeth.

"Aw, that's not very nice _Prinzessin_," Gilbert drawled, leaning back in his chair and propping his feet up leisurely on the table while he balanced precariously on the hind legs of the chair. "_Hallo_ again, _Schätzchen_," he grinned at Alice, winking at her. "No doubt you still remember the awesome me."

Alfred laughed good-naturedly. "He overheard me talking about it and when I told him that you had joined," he looked at Liz, "Then he said he was game. Right bro?"

"You know it!" Gil said, bro-fisting the jock.

"I'm out," Liz said curtly, standing up from the table but before she could go anywhere Alice was in her way. "Now now," she said sweetly, "We should stay Liz. This means so much to Alfred, and I think this could be fun."

The Hungarian narrowed her eyes and mouthed a subtle, 'Damn you,' at her friend. Alice leant in and hugged her while saying, "So please don't leave me Liz, I don't really know these guys and I wanted to do this with my best friend!" He then whispered into her ear, "If you hadn't forced me to join in the first place then this never would have happened. You brought this upon yourself, Lizzy~"

"You have no heart," she whispered back.

"Well I _am_ scum," he laughed quietly before pulling back and making sure Liz had sat back down before he did the same.

"Sorry, continue," Alice said sweetly.

"Well first things first," Gilbert said, "We need to sort our name out. 'The World Academy Heroes' is lame."

"What?!" Alfred looked deeply offended as if Gilbert had just disgraced everything he stood for. "It's a cool name!"

"_Nein_, it's not."

"It _is_," Alfred insisted before looking at the female members. "We're a democracy, so let's vote. What do the girls think?"

"I actually thought The World Academy Heroes was sort of a work-in-progress name before we changed it," Liz admitted, scratching the back of her neck and looking annoyed that she had actually had to agree with Beilschmidt on something. Said person grinned victoriously before putting his arm around the brunette and saying, "Told ya so!"

"Gilbert, get yourself away from me or I will castrate you," Liz said darkly and Gilbert wisely backed off, but he still repeated the 'told ya so'.

"Alice?" Alfred asked, looking to Alice with eyes full of hope. Which Arthur promptly crushed.

"I'm not really fond of it either."

"Well none of you can disagree! So we're keeping it!"

"What happened to democracy?" Gilbert laughed.

"Democracy died."

"We're changing it," Liz said, giving everyone a look that didn't invite any disagreement. Golden Boy puffed his cheeks out a little and crossed his arms across his chest and muttered a, "Fine."

"Any suggestions?" she asked, apparently taking over as chair for this meeting for now.

"Heroes On Patrol," Alfred said quickly.

"Nein."

"Oh come on! What's wrong with that?!" No one bothered dignifying that with an answer. "Well _you_ come up with something then," he said as he poked Gilbert's arm.

Gilbert gave a cat-like grin as he flew forward in his chair and banged his fist on the table with an air of finality. "The Nick Cage Fan Club!"

"What the hell does that have to do with anything?!"

"It's a cool name," Gil said defensively.

"You can't name clubs to save your life," Liz sniffed, turning her nose up at the albino.

"I can so!"

"Oh sure. This coming from the guy who wanted to call the Art Club at middle-school the 'Cool Craft Club'."

"What's wrong with that?" Alice asked. Aside from it being a little cheesy, it wasn't terrible and the alliteration was pretty clever.

"He wanted to replace the C'c at the beginning with K's."

"I didn't mean it like that!" the albino immediately said. "I just thought it would look awesome!"

"Oh yes, because having the club name sporting the same acronym as a damn white supremacist movement is awesome," Liz said sarcastically, to which Gilbert replied with indignant sputtering and shoving Elizaveta, who then threatened to go and get her frying pan but thankfully Alfred cut in with another suggestion.

"What about Heroes In Motion?"

"What are we? A gay boy-band?" Gilbert asked, losing interest in yelling at Liz and Arthur couldn't help but snicker at the question.

"Hey, at least mine isn't offensive! Were you gonna knit white hoodies with pointy hoods in your little craft club?" Alfred asked, smirking a little.

"For the last time I didn't realise what the acronym would be!"

"How about Challenge Accepted?" Liz suggested, and there were a few non-committal nods but ultimately the idea was shelved because it didn't really explain what the club was about.

"The Helpful Heroes."

"_Mein Gott_ Al, _nein_!"

"…The Handy Heroes?"

"Can you keep heroes out of this?" he asked, slamming his head against the desk.

"What about The Handymen (And Women)," Alice suggested from where she had been observing the bickering with immense amusement. The name was a bit shit, but at least heroes weren't mentioned and it successfully stopped Golden Boy from grabbing a PowerPoint presentation explaining why heroes were amazing or something.

"That's a bit boring, but better," Liz admitted.

"My vote is for Liz Will Bitch Slap Yo' Problems In The Face," Gilbert said seriously. And Arthur did burst out laughing at that before quickly trying to cover it up because he couldn't laugh in a girly register, that was just impossible. Liz shot both Alice and Gilbert a 'look'.

"Wait!" Gilbert said, slamming his hand down on the desk again and making everyone jump, "What about Hakuna Matata?"

Liz opened her mouth to protest but found that she didn't really have anything too scathing to say. "You mean the Lion King phrase?"

"Ja. It means 'no worries', right? And that's what our club is about. To get rid of worries." After some more prolonged silence the albino grinned. "See? I can _so_ name clubs. That name is awesome."

"All right, we're agreed," Alfred said, standing up as if he was about to address a huge crowd, "We'll be the Hakuna Matata Heroes!"

"Uuuuuuund you've killed it," Gilbert said, face-palming.

"DDIY."

"What?"

Everyone looked over to Alice who was idly messing with a few strands of her hair. When she noticed she actually had an audience she cleared her throat and said, "DDIY."

"What does it stand for?"

"Don't Do It Yourself."

"Huh. I don't hate that," Liz said, sounding surprised.

"But—"

x~x~x~x~x

The four of them ended up spending the whole of lunch discussing (arguing) over what their club should be called and ultimately it ended in a stalemate and an agreement to choose the permanent name at the next meeting.

For the rest of the day Elizaveta had been flitting between two main topics, the first was a list of extremely inventive ways to kill Gilbert and the detail was so immense that there was no doubt that she had been working on this list for a very long time. The second was about the name of the club so that by the end of the day Arthur was sick of the damned club already and thought it best to tell Gilbert to get out of the country as soon as possible because there was a Hungarian that had planned the perfect murder and she _would_ get away with it.

"I'll see you tomorrow then," Liz called as her and Arthur reached the front gates of the school where they headed off in opposite directions.

Arthur just nodded and raised his hand as a farewell gesture before he turned to head in the direction of Rome's shop. Ah shit, he didn't ask about Bolognese and Oregano… He'd really have to look into that lest he have to deal with a whinging old man every time he was on his shift.

"Wait a sec!" someone called, "Hey Alice!"

Arthur's eyebrows furrowed as he turned around and saw Golden Boy running towards him. Maybe he had another club name? If the git so much as mentioned heroes though, he would probably punch him this time.

"Phew, just got you in time," he laughed happily, before suddenly becoming a little more subdued. "So I was thinking that because we're gonna be in the same club from now on, if you wanted to, ah, get to know each other or something? I've got a pretty big game this weekend and I was wondering if you wanted to watch?"

"Game?"

"Oh, Football! I dunno if you know this, but I'm actually the Quarterback." And there was definitely a little bit of boasting to that tone. Such a shame that this was _American_ Football being talked about, because that held no appeal or interest to the Brit.

"No thank you," Alice said politely. "But Liz might want to go? You should ask her."

"Oh… right," Alfred said, looking a lot put out with such an answer but before Arthur could explore the possible reasons for that a female voice was shouting, "Alfie! I'm ready to go!"

Alice looked in the direction of the voice and saw Emma approaching them and he really didn't fancy having to deal with her knowing how possessive and stupid she tended to get.

"Later," Alice said and began to head off, missing the way Alfred sighed and reluctantly went over to his girlfriend.

"That Alice girl again?" Emma said, looking as the other went with an unreadable expression on her face.

"It's nothing babe, honestly," Alfred said even if he didn't sound convinced. He kissed her and then took her hand and the two of them headed off in the opposite direction- the direction where all of the lovely houses were and you didn't need to worry about being mugged- of Alice and to their respective homes.

x~x~x~x~x

**Some of you were happy that Al is getting a little crush on our darling Alice. I'm here to tell you that nothing is ever that simple ;) Also! I like to involve you guys in my stories (as is evident with INWYT!) so if you liked any of the suggestions for The Hero Club (or if you have your own) then please let me know and I'll use it! I'll go with the most popular one or the one I like the most if it's your own suggestion :)**

**Next time: Lili invites Alice to a sleepover~ Boom-chica-wow-wow *shot by Switzerland* and the girls all have a girly day out together! Gossip, makeovers and a seriously out of his depth Arthur galore!**

**Your reviews are love~**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	6. In Which A Girly Day Out Is Essential

**So I'm sort of alive XP Here are the list of reasons/excuses: I have University applications to worry about at the moment (no fun you gais D:), my history teacher is Satan with homework, Pokemon X arrived, 999 arrived. But your reviews were so lovely so I wanted to try and find some time to write some more :) PlusISortOfGotDeathThreatsForNotContinuingXD So have a long chapter~  
**

**Also, I was amazed at how many people don't actually like High School AUs, but they gave this a chance and liked it. Thank you ^_^ **

**WARNING: This chapter contains some homophobia.  
**

x~x~x~x~x

CHAPTER SIX- In Which A Girly Day Out Is Essential

Arthur walked down the pavement leading towards World Academy, his eyebrows furrowed and his fists clenched. He didn't like to think of himself as a paranoid person, but for the past few days he just felt as though he was being watched. He whirled around for the millionth time that day and was greeted by emptiness.

"I'm going insane," he muttered to himself. Brilliant. If there was one thing Arthur had it was his sanity. He blamed over-exposure to Rome. If that bastard so much as breathed another fucking _syllable_ about those foody-sounding grandkids of his then the Brit was going to construct a pyre out of those damned antiques and chuck Rome on top of it. And he would laugh. And drink. And be merry.

Ah, that sounded nice.

He heaved a sigh of vague contentment; the phantom stalker gone from his mind, and soon the rabble of voices that accompanied the mornings outside of the school gates came into earshot. His bag was slung casually over his shoulder as he made his way forward and made to step over the threshold and actually onto the campus, but a high voice stopped him and caused him to wince.

"Alice! Hey Alice!"

It was Liz. Carefully, Alice flicked her gaze back to the Hungarian whose hair looked a little wilder than usual and who managed to look both utterly exhausted and yet thoroughly pissed off with the world. He cringed and carried on, pretending as though he hadn't seen her, which turned out to be one huge goddamned mistake because she kept yelling until he had no choice but to acknowledge her.

"Why did you carry on?!" she asked, eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Because you're a bloody psychopath," he muttered under his breath. He wasn't exactly sure what had happened, but at some point yesterday Liz had gone from being a fairly decent and functioning member of society to the Hulk.

"What did you say?" she asked, moving dangerously close and Arthur just shook his head and reassured her that it was nothing.

Apparently 'nothing' to a woman, or to Liz at least, sounded like 'a very important something that you absolutely must know so please chatter incessantly in my ear until I tell you'. Half deaf and pissed off by the time he reached his classroom, Arthur flopped gracelessly onto his chair and Liz followed, sitting next to him. Thankfully she had given up on finding out what her friend had mumbled and had instead switched tactics.

"Can I just say that the Maths teacher is a complete bitch? Same with the English one. They're conspiring against me! Maths gave me a D but get this: my English was an F! An _F_, Alice!"

Oh, Alice had a certain word beginning with 'F' he'd like to say to Liz right now.

"So?" he asked, looking around to make sure no one else was in the classroom so he could talk normally, "It's just a letter." Honestly, what was _wrong_ with the girl? She was always violent towards Gilbert, but she was just downright _hostile_ today.

"Well a delinquent like you is probably failing everything," she sniffed, trying to comfort herself with Arthur's apparent idiocy. Arthur didn't bother correcting her and just rolled his eyes- which was when Liz's hand shot out and grabbed his bag to make sure. "Oi, give it back!" Arthur hissed, but Liz was digging through his notes and books and froze.

"An… An A+? Wait… full marks?" It was his Maths homework from the other day, and Arthur just sighed and glanced at the ceiling. Liz carried on, looking through everything and getting more and more confused as _everything_ appeared to have full marks. "How?" she positively growled.

"I got the scholarship, remember?" Arthur explained as if he was speaking to a toddler who had a hard time grasping the obvious, "You don't think a place like this would give an Academic Scholarship, especially one that completely covers the stupid amount it costs to come here, to someone who wouldn't be getting full marks in everything, do you? Now give me my shit back." He snatched his items back and moved to shove them into his bag, but he stopped when he heard a sniffling noise coming from the brunette.

"Uh… Liz?" he asked uneasily. The sniffling merely got louder and was followed by a pitiful sob. "W-Wait, why the hell are you crying?!" he asked, eyes wide and completely confused. See what he meant by the psychopath thing? One minute she was pissed off and the next she was crying her eyes out! He wasn't meant to deal with this!

"I-I'm useless!" she wailed, moving into Arthur so that she was totally getting tears and snot all over his blouse. Lovely. When Arthur just floundered helplessly and didn't comfort her, the Hungarian took that to mean that she really _was_ useless. "I should just die!"

"Woah, hold on. Where is this coming from, Liz?" He awkwardly wrapped an arm around her in what he hoped was comforting, because hell if he knew how he was meant to combat suicidal tendencies. The bell went then and students in their form started filing in, all sending the two girls curious or concerned looks.

"Chocolate…" Liz murmured against him.

"Huh?"

"Chocolate," Liz said louder, suddenly snapping her head up and positively _glaring_ at Alice, "OH MY GOD ALICE GET ME SOME DAMN CHOCOLATE _RIGHT NOW_!"

Even the teacher, who had just entered to take registration, gave Alice a look that said it would probably be better, from a mortality point of view, to just do what the crazy girl wanted.

And so it came to pass that Arthur ended up in a stare down with a vending machine that refused to accept any and all change (and he didn't have much of it to begin with). As a result, Arthur may or may not have relentlessly kicked the thing and the vending machine may or may not have spilled most of its unhealthy goods and Arthur may or may not have taken all of the chocolate and the school may or may not have ended up with a bill from a vending machine repair guy.

Either way chocolate was gained and Arthur sure wasn't going to be losing any sleep over it. He returned to the classroom and cautiously held the chocolate out to Liz at arms length for fear of her biting his hand off (Arthur wasn't scared of much, but Liz was slowly edging her way onto his list of 'No Fucking Way Am I Going Near That'). He was lucky enough to keep said appendage and as Liz gorged herself on the confectionary Arthur sighed and wondered what he had done in life to deserve this. Any of this. Why did he need to pretend to be a girl? Why was the only person who knew the real him currently going through a mental breakdown?

You know, aside from the fact that he had a _slight_ tendency towards violence. And that wasn't necessarily a _bad_ thing, was it? American hospitals should be _thanking_ him for sending them so many paying customers. He honestly wasn't a bad person; he was just sometimes a bit dickish on the rare occasion.

He honestly felt like crying at the prospect of spending all of his morning lessons with Choczilla over there. And to top everything up with a lovely cherry, the star spangled twit had made every other lunchtime 'club time'. When it was pointed out that none of the members would do that, Alfred said they should all take a vote- be democratic. Arthur wasn't exactly sure _what_ had happened, but either way Alfred clearly had a very warped understanding of the word 'democracy' and they were somehow roped into stupid DDIY (thank fuck they got 'heroes' out of that) meetings all the damned time. The Brit was only there because Gilbert annoyed Liz, and the way she was acting today he was looking forward to the meeting just so the 'Prussian' (let's… just not go there) could deal with Miss Mental.

x~x~x~x~x

Alice was on her way to W8, the official DDIY classroom as declared grandly by Alfred and uncontested by anyone else, when she was pulled to the side by a girl who didn't belong in a mental asylum. In fact, she should be revered and shielded from on crazy people.

"Hi Alice," Lili said cutely, and Alice may or may not have had a really stupid smile on her face.

"Hey Lili," she replied, "Are you all right?"

"Yes. Uhm, sorry, were you heading somewhere? I don't want to get in the way if you-"

"Oh no please, go on," Alice insisted. She was only heading towards possibly the most mismatched and dysfunctional Motley Crew ever assembled, so of course chatting with Lili was preferable.

"Well… I never really got a chance to thank you properly for what you did," she began, twisting a lock of her hair around her finger. "So, I was just wondering, are you were busy this evening?"

This evening? This evening was a Friday. Technically he had to work tonight, but he could always pull a double-shift tomorrow if necessary. "Sure, I'm free," Alice smiled, "Did you need me for something?"

"Well, uh, I don't normally do this so I may not do it right but… would you like to come for a sleepover?"

A… sleepover? As in… those things where he stays the night at Lili's house? I-In her room? With sexy pillow fights?! Oh hell _yes_ he would _love_ to go on a sleepover!

"Absolutely," Alice said, a little more enthusiastically than was probably necessary but oh god he could just imagine Lili in cute frilly pyjamas and asking to watch a film and maybe, just maybe, Alice would turn out to be a horror lover and Lili, dear sweet Lili, would be scared. Oh but Alice would be there to comfort her and protect her and- and-!

"Hey Alice, the meeting is now," Liz called from down the corridor where she was heading to W8. She came over to the other two and looked at them oddly, taking in Arthur's odd dream-like state and Lili's nervous blush. "Am I interrupting something?" she asked, shooting an accusatory glance over to Arthur, who immediately held his hands up in a show of innocence. After all, Lili had invited _him_ to stay the night. Who would have thought she would be so assertive like that?

Okay so he was basically on the verge of squealing right now which was horrifying on so many different levels but he was going on a sleepover with Lili! Just the two of them, alone, at night, and maybe Lili was the sort who liked to cuddle- no no. Lili would _definitely_ be the type who liked to cuddle so-

"Oh Lizzie, I was looking for you as well. I've just invited Alice over for a sleepover, and I was wondering if you wanted to come as well?"

Wait, _what_?! Aaaaaannnnnd there goes his lovely vision of how the night would pan out. Now he was saddled with the lunatic all night.

"You mean, like a girly night?" Liz asked, her eyes suddenly welling up.

_Oh god no not again no more crying!_

"You are so kind Lili!" Liz sniffed, pulling her into a tight hug. "I need this, I really do. Oh you're the best!"

Lili looked surprised at the brunette's sudden propensity for hugs, but soon understanding blossomed in those wonderful aqua pools of loveliness (for someone getting full marks in English, he sure was shit at poetry when it mattered, it seemed) and she hugged back with a soft "Ah" of understanding passing her lips. "It's that?" she asked, and Liz nodded miserably. Arthur felt terribly left out as the two of them apparently had a conversation in telepathy, communicating through knowing looks and head nods, but his confusion was put on hold when Liz pulled back and then roughly grabbed his wrist, practically dragging him to W8 with strength that definitely wasn't there before and had materialised from nowhere.

"I'll meet both of you at the school gates after school then!" Lili called happily before she turned around and walked away, much to Arthur's immense disappointment.

"You were going to go there even if I wasn't invited, weren't you?" Liz asked curtly.

"So?" Arthur pouted, "I _was_ invited."

"I don't even want to know what you were thinking about," she sighed, throwing the door open far too quickly for Arthur to at least put on a good show of being indignant.

"You two are late," Gilbert drawled from where he was sitting precariously on the hind legs of a chair, his feet propped leisurely up on the desk.

"Oh shut it," Liz snapped, causing Gilbert to laugh.

"Someone's in more of a mood than normal." When Liz made a noise akin to a growl Gilbert held his hand over his heart and widened his eyes as he said dramatically, "_Ach nein_! It's transforming! Everyone, don't look it in the eyes! Now where did I put my wooden stake?"

_Rest in peace, mate_, Arthur thought as Liz stormed over to the albino and unleashed the beast within.

"Hi Alice~" Alfred hummed, moving over to greet her properly. Alice nodded in reply, having learnt not to make direct eye contact straight away. One had to build up a tolerance to the light before looking straight at this guy. "Uh, hey is Liz all right?"

"Not really. I'm not sure what's wrong though," she admitted with a sigh and a wince at the banshee-screaming coming from the opposite side of the room. She focused her attention back on Jones when he sighed a little sadly. "What's wrong?" she asked. Conversation with Golden Boy was preferable to watching a poor boy meet a gory death, after all.

"I don't get why we haven't had actual assignments," he admitted, scratching the back of his neck before suggesting they sit down. He pulled a chair out for Alice, who raised her eyebrows at the gesture. So chivalry wasn't dead after all. She thanked him and sat down, with Alfred happily plopping down next to her.

In all seriousness though, Arthur wasn't sure what Alfred had been expecting. They were hardly going to get anything _that_ important, certainly nothing 'heroic' like saving citizens in peril or glamorous damsels in distress. So far the extent of the 'problems' they had received were to do with mothers nagging about dirty rooms or requests for the DDIY members to do their homework (which, really, they should have foreseen that). Alice reached out for the small stack of paper on the desk and leafed through. People could go directly to club members with problems, or write their problem down on paper and leave them in a little box Alfred had sweet-talked to getting put in W8.

Not enough money to go shopping, someone wanting pool tables installed in all classrooms, someone who- wait. Alice giggled and Alfred looked over to see what was so funny. Someone had ordered hits on two students and a teacher. Pff! There were also complaints from a few students saying that the vending machine was broken and mostly empty. Alice subtly took those complaints and they somehow found themselves in the bin. Strange.

"All I want is to just help one student," Alfred said, sounding defeated as his head slumped against the desk. As if his prayers were being answered by the gods, there was a shy knock at the door and Alice and Alfred glanced up. The screaming and the pleas of 'no more' in the background also quietened down. Did they actually have someone in need for once?

Alfred was the first to act, standing up and going over to the door. He put on that grin of his that probably got him laid far more than was fair and opened the door. Stood there was a male student, with auburn hair and similarly coloured eyes. He had a flyaway curl and looked quite small stood in the door, hunched over nervously.

"Hey, come on in," Alfred invited, standing aside and guiding the student over to one of the many free chairs. "How can we help you?"

Alice looked at the new boy curiously. When he opened his mouth to speak, her eyes widened.

"I'm Feliciano Vargas," he began, and Arthur had to resist pointing and yelling, _'Vargas? You mean, _you're_ Bolognese?!'_ "And I'm having some trouble, with, uhm…" His hands balled into fists and he bit his lip, clearly uncomfortable with whatever he was about to say.

"You can tell us," Liz chimed, coming over from what was probably Gilbert's sorry corpse. "You can trust me Feli." She smiled and all of a sudden Feliciano seemed to cheer up some more, clearly recognising Liz.

"Yo Feli, how can the awesome me help you?" Gilbert grinned. _Bloody hell he was alive!_ He _did_ look worse for wear though. The Italian looked at Gilbert with an unreadable expression before he burst into tears. God, what was it with everyone and waterworks today? "Feli?" Gilbert asked, eyebrows furrowing as he went over to comfort the other. "Hey, _was ist los_? Want me to call _mein Bruder_ to-"

"No!" Feliciano said immediately, eyes wild. "You can't tell him I came here. Please Gilbert, I… I don't know what to do," he whined, a hand running through his hair worriedly. Arthur, feeling some sense of responsibility for the grandkid that actually did exist, got out of his chair and also moved closer. He wasn't sure what he was going to do or what he was trying to accomplish, but it didn't feel right to leave him in such distress, especially when he was the one Rome said was usually happy and bubbly all of the time.

"Did something happen between you two?" Gilbert asked, concern still lacing his words, and Arthur guessed that Gil's brother and Feliciano were close friends. They must have been if an argument had caused him to react like this.

"I…" Feliciano sniffed.

"Hey, we're here to help," Alfred smiled reassuringly. "Just let us know what's up and we'll do everything we can to help you!"

The Italian nodded, took a deep breath, and then said, quietly, "I'm, with Luddy, I… I don't know how it happened, I usually only like all of the pretty girls, b-but Luddy is so strong and cool and kind and-"

"Shh, calm down," Liz soothed. Oh, so _now_ she chose to return to something resembling normal. She must have gotten all the crazy out on Gilbert. "Now just say it calmly. What is it between you and Ludwig?"

"I… I love him," he whispered. "And I don't know what to do."

Gilbert blinked before he laughed. "Kesese~ Why are you worrying over something so silly! You're my brother's awesome best friend and he loves you too, obviously!"

Feliciano shook his head, agony in his eyes. "No, not like that. I'm _in_ love with him."

Silence descended. Feliciano had his head hung in shame. Liz was the first to speak.

"That's so cute!" she squealed, hugging the Italian. "Don't be upset, it's love! You should be happy!"

"J-Ja," Gilbert said, recovering from his slight shock, "Why wouldn't you like my awesome Bruder, ja? You should just tell him."

"But what if hates me?" he asked.

"Trust me, you are special to West. Even if he doesn't return your feelings, he won't be mean about it and he'll want you to stay as a friend." His words held conviction and his eyes held nothing but truth.

"And maybe he does feel the same, who knows?" Liz smiled. "Why, we could go and find him now and-"

"No." It was Alfred who had spoken. Alice's eyebrows furrowed and she glanced over to where Alfred was no longer smiling and his eyes were no longer holding that familiar kind glow that was the norm. "Sorry, Vargas, but we can't help."

The look Feliciano pulled then was downright heart breaking. Arthur had to wonder what the fuck the other was talking about.

"What do you mean?" Liz demanded, "Of course we can help him."

"No, we can't." His voice was clipped and tight, a tone Arthur had never heard fall from his lips before. And he didn't like it. It was an ugly sound and was clearly shattering the boy who may as well be a damned brother to him even if he didn't know him. Rome was like his dysfunctional annoying father figure, after all. "Can you leave?" Alfred asked, looking over to Feliciano, who trembled but stood up all the same.

"Hey, you can stay, ignore him," Gilbert said, putting a hand on the other's shoulder.

"No he can't!" Alfred barked.

"Why the hell are you being so unawesome?!" Gil glared. "You wanted someone to help, _ja_? Well someone is here right now!"

"I agree!" Liz said firmly, not even pulling a face at agreeing with the Prussian for once. "We have to help."

Alfred shook his head resolutely and Arthur suddenly noticed the way every single muscle in his body was tense and his grip on the desk was so severe that it looked fit to crack. That was when he realised that this was actually serious.

Alice walked across the room, putting a reassuring hand on Feliciano's shoulder and offering the most comforting smile she could. "Are you busy tomorrow?" she asked. Feliciano looked confused, but shook his head nevertheless. "I actually stumbled across an antique shop yesterday, and the owner described a boy that looked like you when he saw my uniform," she lied.

"My grandpa owns an antique shop," Feli sniffed, eyes wide.

"I think you should go and pay him a visit tomorrow. He could help you. And there's also a boy who works there. He may seem grumpy and tough, but I'm sure he'd like to help as well. That might be best. If nothing happens, then come and see us on Monday, all right?" There was no doubt in the Brit's mind that Rome would do anything to make this easier on Feliciano, and after seeing such a wretched look on the boy's face he wouldn't deny he would do the same. So he'd take that double shift tomorrow and get to know Feli more so he could be in a better position to help. But for now he had to get the Italian out, because Alfred was looking dangerous.

"Si," Feli nodded in understanding, actually moving to hug Alice, who had no idea what to do so she awkwardly hugged back. "Grazie," he said gratefully, and then he broke the hug and exited the room. Immediately everyone turned to look at Alfred, each with different looks. Gilbert was glaring, Liz was flitting between annoyance and sadness, and Alice was just plain curious, head tilted to the side and awaiting an explanation.

For what might possibly be the first time ever, Golden Boy wilted under the attention, though his face was set in grim determination.

"So," Gilbert began, eyes narrowed, "Care to explain what the fuck that was?"

"I can't allow that," Alfred replied, voice oddly calm.

"Allow what? 'Cause you seem to not give a shit if Feli is crying his eyes out!"

"It's not that!" Jones protested, "And I'm sorry about that, but he wouldn't be crying like that if he knew he was right to feel that way."

"What?" Liz asked, voice quiet and she looked on the verge of tears again. Arthur had decided that he wasn't going to waste any more energy keeping track of that emotional rollercoaster.

"Well, he knows he's wrong," Alfred scratched the back if his neck, "Yanno, for liking a dude more than he should. It's not right. It's not _natural_. I can't allow our club to promote homosexuality."

"We're not promoting it, we're helping him with his problem!" Gilbert protested, "And so what if he likes another male who, by the way, is my little brother? If he accepts his feelings then they'll be happy, and it's non of my or anyone else's business."

"How can you say that?!" Alfred asked, his voice growing louder as he took a step towards Gilbert, "You're saying you'd just be okay if your brother accepted that? If he chose to become one of them?!"

"One of what, exactly?" he asked, hands on his hips.

"A fag," the jock mumbled. "You shouldn't be encouraging it or taking a step back. You should be _discouraging_ it, telling your brother _not_ to do that. It's wrong. It can't go anywhere either." Alice may have been mistaken, but she could have sworn Alfred looked over to her briefly before saying, "For every guy, there's a girl. Vargas is just confused. He said it himself: he likes pretty girls. C'mon, there are enough hints already that point to the natural way of things being between a male and a female."

"I didn't know you were like this," the albino said, annoyance clearly soaking his words, "_You're_ the wrong one."

Well. _That_ certainly set Alfred off.

"No I'm not! Look anywhere: biology, nature, science, the Bible! All of that points to gayness being wrong! Look, I'm not someone who goes around beating fags up but equally there's no way I can agree with it or promote it or help two dudes or two chicks get together! That's what I believe and there's nothing wrong about it."

Gilbert looked as though he was about to retort, but at this point Liz had started crying and the two arguing students stopped to look at her. Alice sighed and quickly moved to her bag, which was basically bulging with chocolate, and pressed a bar into her hand. "Let's go," she told her, grabbing her hand and heading for the exit. "Let's just drop it before a fight starts," she said, directing the statement back at the other two, "Feliciano said he'd try getting advice elsewhere."

There were a few hushed mutters and Beilschmidt and Jones shared glare, but nothing serious escalated and so the DDIY meeting that day ended.

"H-How could he s-say that?" Liz sniffled, taking another large bite out of the chocolate, "I thought he was different."

Arthur shrugged. "The guy believes what he believes. Nothing we can do about it. And he said he wasn't actively seeking to be violent against gays, so there's no need to punch him or anything." Really, the thing that confused Arthur was the revelation that _Alfred_ of all people wasn't okay with the idea of homosexuality. After all, American Football was _extremely_ homoerotic! A load of muscled sweaty males all pressed up against each other, not to mention the fact that some even shower together, seemed to be the very definition of 'gay' in Arthur's mind. Maybe Jones just hadn't dropped soap in the shower yet and so hadn't really realised that he was flying the homosexuality flag with his favoured sport.

And the hero thing! Jones was so obsessed with heroes, who were basically muscled guys in tight-fitting spandex leotards, so how could he be against it?! Arthur would have claimed that the guy was in complete denial, but of course he actually _did_ have a girlfriend and he seemed to believe the case he was putting forward.

"Let's just hope we don't get loads of same-sex couple problems," he sighed. "Beilschmidt looked about ready to punch Jones. And while that may have been amusing, it's stupid to fight about something like that."

"Ungifdug, fdusdg djhd."

Arthur looked at Liz strangely before laughing. "Liz…" he said in the highest, most snooty Alice voice he could muster, "Don't talk with you mouth full. A lady would _never_ do such things."

x~x~x~x~x

By the time the end of the day arrived, Liz had eaten her own weight in chocolate (which, to be fair, was very impressive), and Arthur had a dead arm (the result of Liz's rage for letting her eat her weight in chocolate and the subsequent meltdown she had because she was 'fat').

"Gilbert deserves a medal," Arthur complained as he rubbed his arm, "He takes damage from you and keeps coming back for more. If he weren't here I swear you'd have killed the majority of students here."

"He's just a masochist," Liz said simply, back on the chocolate despite her earlier tantrum.

"And you're a sadist. What a perfect match."

"What did you say?" she asked threateningly, brandishing the chocolate bar as if it were a knife and Arthur had learnt that Liz was probably resourceful enough to kill someone with something so unassuming so he just smiled disarmingly and tried to switch the subject. "I wonder where Lili is."

"I don't like Gilbert."

"Never said you did."

"All right. Just saying," she muttered, taking a vicious chomp.

"Alice! Lizzie!" Lili called out happily, waving at them from the gates.

"Lili~" Alice hummed, swanning over to her and forgetting Liz's existence for a while. "How was your day today?"

"Fine thank you. How was yours?"

"Ah, well Liz has been acting sort of crazy. You sure it was a good idea to invite her? She may murder us in our sleep." And the thing was, Alice wouldn't actually put it put Liz to do that at the moment.

"Oh Alice, you're so funny," Lili giggled, "I think we all get a bit grumpy when it's that time, you know?"

"Uh… 'that time'?"

"Yes," she nodded, "You know, when it's your time of the month." After another blank stare Lili's eyes widened. "Wait, didn't Liz tell you she was on her period? I thought it was obvious."

Oh. _Oh_. Shit. Well all of a sudden that made much more sense. Hell, if Arthur's genitals decided to bleed every month then he'd be emotionally unstable as well! Well, actually, he'd probably be more freaked out than emotionally unstable and he'd have to get that shit checked out, but you get the basic idea.

"Oh _that_ time, right," Alice said as if she knew all along. "Yes, I knew. Because us girls can just tell that sort of thing, right?"

"Right," Lili agreed, and smiled when Liz joined them. "So I was thinking, I always like to go shopping to get my mind off of things. Would you like to go to the mall?"

"Retail therapy?" Liz blinked, "Lili, I think I love you."

"Hey back off," Arthur muttered, only loud enough for Liz to hear, but she merely smirked in response and then the three of them headed off to the mall. Arthur quickly text Rome letting him know about the shift change that he had chosen for himself (he did mention the very high possibility of Feliciano coming to visit though, so he'd get away with it) and asked if he could feed and walk Farley later on. Poor baby would be wondering where he was seeing as he usually didn't spend the night anywhere. He'd give him an extra long walk tomorrow and spoil him rotten.

Arthur wasn't the sort of person who went shopping often, and he _certainly_ wasn't the type to go, ugh, _clothes_ shopping. As such it was very unfortunate for him that he ended up with two girls who apparently had the whole place memorised and had telepathically decided on a plan of attack (seriously, how the hell did females talk via brainwaves?!)

Every shop stocked the same thing and looked the same and sounded the same and by the fifth one Arthur was nearly passed out on the floor.

"Hey Alice~" Liz called, "Why don't you try this on? I picked it out specially for you." Arthur glanced up and turned white. In Liz's hand was the pinkest, frilliest, most _hideous_ monstrosity known to man.

"No way in hell," he muttered (Lili was off looking on a different clothing rack).

"Aw, why not?" she asked with fake innocence.

"Because I'm manly and have my pride," he said simply, and he ignored the way that probably sounded ridiculous when he was in a girl's school uniform.

"Oh yeah, I can totally see that," Liz said sarcastically.

"Oh shut up and go eat chocolate, fatty."

"Hey!" Liz said indignantly, but Lili came into the picture holding up a powder blue flowing sort of dress (note the technical terms here, because Arthur clearly knew fashion) and held it up to Alice as if she was wearing it.

"I think this would suit you," she said, smiling that adorable smile of hers, "Would you try it on?"

"Ooo, cute chiffon number," Liz praised, "Though Alice isn't the sort to try stuff on so-"

"Of course I am," Alice said quickly, grabbing the hanger enthusiastically and marching off to a changing room.

"Note how the manly man's pride is suddenly irrelevant," Liz snickered and, when Lili wasn't looking, Arthur flipped the Hungarian off before stepping inside to get dressed. Needless to say he looked ridiculous. He hadn't actually noticed the big 'look at me aren't I shit' bow on the front of the dress and he cringed as he looked at his reflection. Jesus what the hell was he doing? How does someone like him end up in a shop called _Frills, Frills Frills_ (okay maybe that wasn't the name but it was damn close) and trying on stupid girly dresses?!

"What does it look like?" Lili called sweetly.

Oh. Yeah. That's how.

"Uh, it looks sort of wrong," Alice said awkwardly.

"Oh no, I'm sorry!"

"Oh don't apologise, I'm hard to shop for."

"Are you not having fun?" Even with the curtain separating them Arthur could hear her sadness and see her frown. "You haven't looked at anything in any of the shops… if we're boring you then-"

The curtain flew open, revealing Alice in all of her blue flowy glory, and she shook her head. "I'm having a great time," she said earnestly, "And if you're having fun then so am I." To make her point, she stepped out and went to scour the clothing lines. It shouldn't be too hard to find the female equivalent of what he usually wore, right? As long as he substituted jeans for a skirt he'd get away with staying on the girly side of things.

He grabbed a white V-neck shirt that had deliberately torn sleeves and the words _#1 Kisser_ printed on the front in red (because, not that he was cocky or anything, he so was) and he eventually settled on a short black skirt with a red belt. He did look for something longer but he was sadly thwarted in his search and he became that much more aware of the shocking and shameful sexualised society in which they lived. But hey, the skirt was cheap and looked as though it would fit, so self-righteousness and women's liberation would have to take a back seat for now.

He then went back into the changing room and changed into the new ensemble (putting his school socks back on for some attempt at decency), and then nodded at his reflection. He was one badass chick, if he did say so himself. He then pulled the curtain back with a little 'ta-da~' and Lili gasped and clapped and even Liz seemed vaguely impressed that he had managed to dress himself as though he was a herself.

"You look so cool Alice," Lili praised, "That look really suits you."

"Cheers," Alice said, blushing a bit at the compliment, "Glad you like it."

Five outfit changes later and Liz had a new wardrobe, Lili had a few new garments and Arthur, much to his immense misery, ended up buying that stupid shirt and skirt he had tried on earlier. He just… wouldn't eat for a week or something. Damn he really needed to work up immunity to the Lilli Effect.

They carried on in a similar fashion, with Liz essentially buying out the mall ("A girl can never have too many clothes Alice") and Arthur refusing to splash out any more. Instead he just stuck closer to Lili and they joked most of the time. When she suggested they go bra shopping Arthur was certain that he had just won the lottery but then Liz came in with her cock/vagina-blocking ways and sent him away to get drinks and more chocolate ("How the fuck have you eaten all of that chocolate?! That was an entire vending machine's worth!" "What's your point?") while they shopped.

Muttering curses at Liz and lamenting the fact that he wouldn't get to see Lili trying on bras, Arthur stalked off to go and get the requested goods, a pout on his face. He spotted a place that sold chocolate and began to head towards it before he stopped. The same feeling from earlier washed over him and he shivered. He was being watched; he _knew_ he was. And yet when he turned around to look there was no one that fit the description of a stalker. Not that he really knew what a stalker looked like- there would hardly be a bloke wandering around in black shades, a Fedora, and a large trench coat that would blow in non-existent breeze- but still…

"Just where and who are you?" he muttered, but after a few more minutes of searching he gave up and carried on with his job.

And yes, bloody typical, they 'just so happened to have finished trying on the bras' by the time he returned. Elizaveta Hedhoweverthefuckyousayit was evil.

x~x~x~x~x

"-so poor Matthew had to run away from Carlos, who didn't realise that he was Matthew and not Alfred!" Liz finished with a laugh.

"Aww, poor Matthew," Lili said. "Even though they're only cousins, those two look very alike."

"I know, I thought they were twins at first," Liz admitted, blowing on her nails before pulling back to admire them. "I love this red nail varnish. Definitely a good buy~"

"Do you like the purple and pink swirls, Alice?" Lili asked from where she had finished Alice's right hand and was moving on to the left. "I saw how to do it on a beauty programme."

"Oh hey that looks really cool," Liz said, coming over to admire the work. "Good job Lili. Alice's nails are even smooth now."

The three of them had ended their shopping spree a couple of hours ago and were now currently in Lili's room. Manicures were the name of the game, along with gossip. Arthur was slowly feeling his grasp on masculinity slip away with every nail that fell prey to purple and pink, but Lili just looked so happy that he allowed himself to be attacked with nail files and nail buffers (he didn't even know they existed before today) and all other manners of nail equipment that looked as though they could also double as torture instruments.

"They're pretty," Alice said, smiling at Lili, "Thank you."

"No problem~" she hummed, getting back to work. "Oh, on the subject of Alfred, did you hear about him and Bella?"

Liz sighed. "What, they breaking up _again_?" she asked, lying down on the floor and gazing up at the ceiling.

"I think so. I wonder why they keep getting back together if it never works out."

"I don't think they actually fancy each other. More like… the students expect them to be a couple?"

Lili frowned. "How sad. I wonder if there's anyone they really like?"

The brunette grinned. "I'm positive Alfred likes Alice in some way."

"Oh please," Alice scoffed, rolling her eyes, "I think today it was established very clearly that I am all wrong for him. He's not my type anyway."

"What is your type?" Lili asked, and Arthur wasn't cheesy enough to say, 'You are' so instead he just shrugged. "Either way, I don't fancy anyone. Liz does, though she won't tell me who."

Lili finished the last nail with a flourish before turning to the Hungarian with sparkling eyes. "Oh who is it? Please tell me!"

"I-It's no one," Liz stuttered, flushing already.

"Is it Gilbert?"

"No! Why is everyone saying that?!" She sounded tortured and pulled at her hair, "I don't like him. At all. He's _almost_ as bad as Andrei." If Gilbert's name was spoken with venom then Andrei's name was spoken with pure poison, whoever the hell he was.

"Who's that?" Alice asked curiously.

"My arch enemy."

"Uh… do people in real life _have_ arch enemies?" Liz nodded and Lili giggled. "He's in the Magic Club I think."

"Damn Romanian tried to curse me," Liz spat. "I _hate_ him." There seemed to be an ever-growing list of people Liz hated. Arthur decided that it would be wise to stay off of it, lest he fall victim to one of the murder schemes Liz had planned to perfection.

"This isn't one of those things where you say you hate him but you've actually loved him forever and then one day you get into a fight and then just start snogging, is it?" Alice asked, "Because if it is, I'm just going to make sure I'm not in the room when your fighting turns into passionate se-"

"Alice that's disgusting!" Liz yelled, "No it is _not_ Andrei!"

"Then who is it?"

"Not saying," she said, crossing her arms and sticking her nose in the air.

"It's definitely Andrei," Alice whispered to Lili, who started laughing and nodding in agreement, much to Liz's chagrin. "What about you Lili?" she asked. "There anyone you like?"

To everyone's surprise, Lili actually blushed and looked away, fidgeting. Arthur's eyes widened. No way… was there actually someone she liked?

"Who who who?" Liz asked excitedly.

"No, I can't," Lili said, clearly embarrassed, "Brother doesn't approve, and, well… it's complicated," she sighed. "But he's strong and cool and makes me laugh. I know he'd look after me, but brother doesn't see that."

"Well you can always come to DDIY if you ever need help," Liz said, sitting up and patting her shoulder reassuringly, "If you ever want to try and give it a go with your mystery man, then we can help! Right Alice?"

"Huh? Oh. I guess." Arthur tuned out from the rest of the conversation and gossip. How could he not have considered the possibility that there was actually someone Lili liked? Man, that was annoying. Who the hell was he? And how could Lili be so sure that the guy would protect her? If that was the case then where the hell was he when Sadiq tried to hurt her?!

"Oww," Liz groaned, pulling Arthur out of his brooding. She sat with a hand over her tummy and she bit her lip. "It hurts."

"Chamomile tea can help with that. And hot water bottles," Lili said comfortingly. "I know when it's my time, I-""

Okay no. Just no. There was a line to all of this, and talking about fucking period pains was _definitely_ crossing that line. There are only so many things a guy should know! Arthur stood up abruptly and muttered something about needing the loo, before he bolted for the door.

"Oh Alice, while you're up, could you maybe get something for Lizzie? All of the usual stuff is in the kitchen. If you ask my brother he should be able to point you in the right direction."

"Sure sure," Alice said hurriedly, rushing out of the door and just running through the extensive house (seriously, what was with these people and their crazy amount of rooms?) without a clear direction. Make-up and manicures he could just about handle, but when bleeding in lady-places is up for discussion then he was getting the fuck away.

"Can I help you?"  
"UWAH!"

Arthur whirled around to see Vash standing there. Gave him a bloody heart attack.

"Oh, uh, yeah," she said, "Do you have any stuff for, yanno…" Arthur tried gesturing to get his point across, but that didn't make anything clear and he was just stood there trying to make a gushing motion with his hands and looking like an idiot. _Note to self: don't play Charades with this guy. He's useless_. "Lady problems," he said eventually.

"Oh." Vash's eyes widened and he coughed, "Well, what is it you need?"

"…"

"…"

"I have absolutely no idea." What had Lili suggested again? Silver bullets, perhaps? "Any suggestions?"

"Why would I know?" he scowled, and Arthur nearly replied with, 'Well why the hell would _I_?!' but he realised that, technically, as a girl, he _should_ know.

"You go ask them," Alice said hurriedly. She was not going back there. Liz might kill him for not bringing back whatever it was she needed. Maybe he could get away with just getting more chocolate…?

"Why me? They're your friends."

"She's your sister!"

"But I'm not well equipped to deal with this."

Pfft. The guy had guns. He'd be fine.

"Okay let's calm down and think. I we were gir- ah- if _you_ were a girl, what would ease the pain?"

Vash's stoically delivered suggestion of a new gun didn't exactly seem like it would work. In fact if a menstrual woman procured a firearm then the people in the surrounding area may as well kiss their lives goodbye.

After standing there awkwardly for a few minutes Lili appeared wondering what was taking so long and thankfully she _did_ know what she was doing and was soon armed with various items that apparently helped with cramps and such. Wow, the life of a female was a glamorous one. Arthur silently thanked the heavens he had that Y chromosome.

But you know what was the worst part of it all? Even worse than missing Lili trying on bras? Even worse than Liz grandly proclaiming that she was dying? Even worse than that horrific chick flick marathon that some bright spark thought would be a good idea? It was the fact that there was no sexy pillow fight. Everything Arthur knew was a lie and he felt ripped off and cheated.

Though the fact that he got to sleep snuggled up with Lili almost made up for that. No, actually, it more than made up for it.

x~x~x~x~x

**Aww, ending on a bit of fluff~ That _USUK cock-block counter_ I was talking about? I think it just increased. Oops ;)  
**

**Next Time: Who is Alice's stalker? And why does someone attack her?! Will she be all right? Is the stalker a friend or an enemy? Find out on the next episode of Dragon Ball Z!**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


End file.
